RSS Feed

“IF I COULD LOVE” -Nayana Nair

Posted on

download

 

It was so sad to see him like that.

He had shrunk so much, so tiny, his eyes always remain almost closed. He cannot even sit up to eat, has no strength left. He  cannot identify people, he’s calling out different people names in random way so much, that now people have stopped responding to his calls. He cannot sleep without pills anymore. Things were that bad.

When I saw him I thought of all that he had done for me when I was small.  But these are things that I know,  not what I remember. I know what he has done, I know what I should feel, but sadly I don’t .

If only I could feel and remember all that he was once to me, If only I could feel the love for him that he deserves. But it can’t be.

I see myself, sitting beside him on a chair talking random things to him, reading him stories, poems. That is maybe something that should have happened, probably happening in some parallel world but not here.

He is not that type of man, even if we assume that he was sane enough to be able to understand what I am saying. We were never on same page. Maybe we were, but something changed, that drove me so far from him, maybe I realized what he was, maybe I realized what I was, and realized things will never be same. How long can we pretend .

But when I saw him so weak, so powerless and vulnerable, I wanted to feel that love for him that I know wasn’t there in my heart. images2V3F7IR8

(for my Grandpa)

Advertisements

About Nayana Nair

Hi, I am Nayana Nair. I'm 23. Just a crazy girl who has tons of things to talk about....not much organized thoughts sadly. I like to talk about everything...mostly..every conversation of mine turns into a monologue.... So I decided I should start writing a blog..rather than chat.... I'm very much passionate about music, psychology and literature.... Moderate interest in science..... I always want to be a writer (and also a teacher)..But I don't think I have the skills required...this blog is just my attempt at becoming the writer I always wanted to be...Blogging for few years, I have realized I am more of a poet (although, I am not sure that I am good enough for that label)...I hope I realize more about myself through writing. Thanks for dropping by!! Hope I didn't disappoint. :)

9 responses »

  1. Great piece.
    I think when someone is so vulnerable and weak it is only human to feel empathy, but depending on how they were prior to illness, that state can play tricks with the mind and heart. Its cognitive dissonance at play.

    Reply
  2. I like the honesty without any pretense!

    Reply
  3. Beautifully honest.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Leaking Ink

The musings left behind by my mind...

The Pradita Chronicles

A blog on reading, writing and storytelling

Author Chris Brown

A haven and sanctuary for the words that drip from my mind like a faulty tap, to find refuge on blank pages akin to squatters within empty houses.

mylocalweb

my writing junkyard

aYoKa

Things I should be telling myself

Poojannnblogs

I'm a little human.. from a different land.😜

Oil Pastels by Mary

Painting with oil pastels

Yoga Mom

Yoga Happens Every Day--Pee Pants and All

The Bangtan Theory

(Probably) The most accurate theories & explanations for BTS HYYH & Wings

Dain Broadbent

writes shit and immediately erases 95% of it

Invincible Summer Diaries

Lone Wolf & the Invincible Summer Diaries. Lone Wolf is a socially awkward queer artist and dweeb, Invincible Summer Diaries is her unfiltered life and search for belonging.

The Scribe Ark

Poems... with a side of fiction

MyRealPlace

Poetry and Words

NOMZI KUMALO

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

VerseInEmotion

Life is short..... but it's long enough to make you forget.....that it doesn't last for ever!

Words from a Little Person

Poets bleed from the heart and soul

Heartstring Eulogies

Conjured by Sarah Doughty

My valiant soul

ocean of fearlessness.

A Mind

Jack Bennett

%d bloggers like this: