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Monthly Archives: November 2016

“I have an Idea” -Nayana Nair

girlmirr

I have an idea of Myself.

And how often, in the unregistered intervals of time,

When thoughts of world avoided me

with as much  fervor as I avoid this world.

I think of what I am,

I realize that of all the people I have deceived,

the one I fooled with perfection was myself.

When I see what I do not want to,

my mind desperately grabs onto a stray thought,

to distract me from understanding

Of what I am about to realize.

gg

But I know this game too well

and this is not a secret that I have uncovered

for the first time in life.

It is what I half-remember in all my waking hours

and all that I know of in my sleep.

gg

I know this lie, I have been telling myself.

But today is not the day,

to shatter my Idea of Me

with one cruel realization.

gg

The day, when it comes,

shall be the last I breathe as me.

For I cherish this Idea

more than myself.

The Mystery Blogger Award

mystery

It seems I am getting lots of award this year. 🙂

So I have been nominated by Wanderlust and How Useful It Is for The Mystery Blogger Award. Thanks a lot for remembering my blog. 🙂 They have wonderful blog, do visit.

kji

In the words of Okoto Enigma, the creator of this award, this is what this award stands for:

WHAT IS MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD?
“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
– Okoto Enigma

kji

RULES
1.Put the award logo/image on your blog (done)
2.List the rules.(done)
3.Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.(done)
4.Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well (done)
5.Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
6.You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
7.Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
8.Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
9.Share a link to your best post(s)

kji

3 things about me:

I never accept my mistake (even though I know it is my mistake)

My kidneys are probably going to fail in future, cause I don’t feel thirsty (94% of time) and I forget to drink water.

I love ice-creams (who doesn’t)

kji

Questions from  How Useful It Is:

1) What do you like to do most this time of year?

Nothing special. The same old routine :reading books, watching series and waiting for weekends.
2) Have you already plan for how many books you will read next year?

No plans. I rarely plan about how many books to read. But I assume I may be able to read minimum of 30 books next year.
3) What is your #1 goal next year?

Get a driving licence.
4) Are you happy with the direction your blog is heading?

Yes, pretty happy. I never thought that this blog would last this long. (I am too surprised that it did). And to have such good feedback from all of you guys is really amazing. Thanks a lot for your support.
5) Weird: What extreme do you go to take care of books you own?

The extreme thing I do is to never lend my books to others. And it breaks my heart to say ‘no’ to someone who is showing interests in the books that I love. But sadly, I still say ‘no’. 😦

kji

Questions from  Wanderlust:

1. HOW do you eat your chicken? (e.g., skin first, then the meat or both at the same time, or meat first… idk, be honest okay?)

I don’t really like eating chicken. 😦 But I think I prefer pieces with more fiber rather than the chewy ones. I don’t know whether it makes sense, but I don’t know terminology for chicken explanation. 🙂

2. If you were to get stuck in an island all alone, would you wish for company or just leave the island and get back to the noisy place you call home?

I would rather be home. I don’t like being stuck anywhere. Better idea would be to send all noisy people to that island, so I can be at my home, in peace.

3. If you were given a chance to create your monster, what would it be and what would you call it?

Monster..hmm..tough question. Maybe a monster that could fly and will give me ride to places I want to go, without being stuck in traffic. I am not sure about the name though.

4. When walking, do you put your right foot or left foot first?

Never payed attention to that. Right now I tried walking, and I put my right foot. I think it must be right foot.

5. What do you think happens to the cockroaches when they die?

They don’t die. They pretend to die. That is what I think happens.

kji

Link to my best post:

kji

Nominating: (Not complying strictly with this rule, just nominating people I can think of)

Jehona Thaqi

JB McPayne

extremesofunknownshadows

renxkyoko’s space

Eyes + Words

Scribbled Verse

Mused into the thoughts

kji

Questions:

  1. What is your current favorite song?
  2. Most rude you have ever been?
  3. One silly superstition that you actually believed in as a child?
  4. One word that you use most in conversation?
  5. What is one good thing and a bad thing about getting awards?

kji

Wanderlust and How Useful It Is. Thank you once again for nominating me. Thanks a lot.

kji

Edited info on 31 Jan, 2017:

Shrushti nominated me for this award on 22 Jan, 2017. Thanks a lot for nominating me. Do visit her wonderful blog.

Here’s a link to the post:

https://wordsbyshrush.wordpress.com/2017/01/22/the-mystery-blogger-award-what/

Since I have got this award already (and I am not being vain/proud here), I would be directly jumping to Q/A part (since everything else would approximately same 🙂 )

So here are the questions from Shrushti:

>>What does a happy day in your life look like? Tell me.

A happy day in my life would be: to wake lie in bed reading novel in morning while it’s raining outside, to eat mom’s food, to spend time with my sister, cousins and friends, to watch a beautiful movie, to go somewhere where no one knows me and to roam around aimless around the city (if someone could guarantee me my safety too), to take a stroll at midnight. I don’t need all of these things to have a happy day. If I get even one of them in a day, that is enough.

>>What is one thing you wish you could say to your best friend/ person you love that you haven’t been able to?

I would like to tell them, how much I appreciate and love them everyday. Even if I may not show it. I would like to tell them how they have made my life better just by being there. I would like to thank them for tolerating and loving me back, even though I know it would be hard on them to do so.

>>Would you rather be a child again for a week or be able to take a peak into your future life for 5 mins?

I would rather be child again for a week. I don’t want to know my future. I always dread these scenarios in stories where a character can know something about future. Especially if it about themselves. It is kind of scary. Till I am oblivious to my future, there is hope, there is infinite possibilities that could fill up the years awaiting me. Knowing how it is going to turn out would be disappointing and scary.

>>Have you ever had writer’s block? How do you think one can overcome it?

I have writer’s block all the time. How I respond to it, totally depends on my mood.

There are times I can’t write, and I just let it be, I won’t be writing for months. It doesn’t bother me that much. I believe, writing is to a large extend reflecting on life. But it somehow distances me from life. If I am observing something, I can’t enjoy it. So sometimes I prefer to forget about writing for a long time.

But there are times when I desperately want to write, but I can’t. It feels similar to thirst. But not being able to quench it. In those cases, I just write any rubbish I can on paper: which can range from, what I see right now, about what I am doing recently, it kind of starts as a diary, but at end something in my mind switches and I don’t feel that that was ever a block.

>>Have you done anything out of your comfort zone recently? What was it and how did it feel?

Yes, I think so. I have taken up a job that is not at all suitable for me. It continuously puts in positions/scenarios that I have dreaded all my life. Every morning I wake up, and try to find a way to escape it. But still I end up going to work, try to do my job with utmost sincerity, even if it makes me uncomfortable. But it doesn’t feel that bad. Because, now I have relatively more free time to myself, and can spend my time of all things I wanted to do. So I do not completely resent my work, but yes, it does feel uncomfortable. But the way I am trying to look at it is, by the end of this ordeal I would become a better version of myself, I would be able to endure more in life, if nothing else.

kji

Edited on 15 Jan 2018

Tanvir nominated me for this award on May 18, 2017 (my bad for realizing it so late and giving such a late response). Thanks a lot for nominating me dear. It means a lot that my blog crossed your mind. Also I would like to thank you for all the likes and comments that you have provided for so many of my post. It makes me really happy to know what you think of my poems.

So here is the link to the post:

https://myexpressionofthoughtsblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/18/the-mystery-blogger-award/

So here are my answers to the question posted (I will skip rest of the things due to the reasons mentioned above in the post):

>>Which of your friends you are proud of? Why?

I am proud of almost all my friends, as I have very few to begin with. They are all doing the best in life and are nice people. And I believe, in this world, being nice and staying nice, is something really difficult to do. And I look up to them for that. (I am not a very nice person, in fact I can be pretty mean 🙂 )

>>Which accomplishment you are most proud of?

My blog. This is the only thing I have being doing consistently and not quit on. This is a miracle for me that I have lasted this long, since I try to avoid attention in any form and have reaalllly low self-confidence. That’s mostly the reason I end up quitting most of stuff. Yeah so I am still writing is a really huge thing for me.

>>Who is your best and worst teacher? Why?

I had a teached in fifth grade- Rita Sisodia. She was pretty cool. She was out maths and english teacher. In higher classes she was our maths teacher only. But she was such a lovely person. She used to teach so well. She had such awesome personality. I was so impressed by her.

Worst teacher…I have had quite a long list of bad teachers. And since I have changed many schools (since my father used to get transferred to different cities in India due to his job). I realized that there are many teachers who have lot of knowledge about the subjects they teach, but are not good at expressing themselves well or do not know to make the other person understand the same. But they are not bad teacher. They just don’t have talent to teach. But bad teachers are those who really don’t care about the students and don’t even try to do their best. Those teachers really irritate me.

>>Best thing you remember about your kindergarten?

No worries for studies or future. 🙂

>>If you are given chance to be president/ prime minster for one day, what would you do to set an example?

No idea. I thought a lot for this. My mind goes blank at that. So leaving this as it is. Not because I don’t have issues that support or that needs to be solved. But I am that sort of person who just beliefs that I cannot put my belief and my values on someone else. (Every reasonable point has an equally reasonable counter-point).

kji

Edited on 27 Feb 2018

Some time ago (a month ago,  to be precise) Moyatori nominated be for Mysterious Blogger Award. I am really thankful to her for nominating me for this award. She has a lovely blog and she writes so good that you would regret not have found her soon. So do visit her blog. 🙂

Though this post is coming a bit late, but I hope my feelings of gratitude reach you regardless of my delay.

I am not entirely sure what Mysterious Blogger Award means and I am equally not sure whether I can be considered “mysterious”. But I like it’s sound and vibe. 🙂 I wish I was that mysterious though (would have been cool).

Here is the link to the post:

https://moyatorium.wordpress.com/2018/01/20/demystifying-the-mysterious-an-award-post-actually/

Now here is the main reason that it took me so much time to do this post. Most of the questions were on kale (about which I have no idea- ignorant me) and I procastinated this soooo much thinking I would have better answers. But sadly I don’t. I googled it and found it is something like cabbage and I do not have much thoughts on cabbage. So I decided on a workaround for this. I am going to replace kale with chocolate. (Moyatori this is the first time I was clueless how to answer the questions, really impressed with you 🙂 )

Here are the answers to the questions (again I would like to mention that I am skipping rest of the rules due to reasons mentioned above):

>>What’s your opinion on kale chocolate?
I love chocolate, who doesn’t. (Many don’t and I know that fact but let’s just play along with this). I like dark chocolate more though. The only chocolate I hate is….(don’t hate me for this)…milk chocolate. Even if I try to persuade my tongue into thinking, this is also chocolate, it is same. But my tongue is like, “You can’t fool me”. I have tried to like it, I have failed, I accept my defeat.

>>If you have to eat kale chocolate, how would you prepare it?
I like chocolate in anything, in any form. I can’t make up my mind for this, it all depends on my mood.

>>Would you rather: kale chocolate salad or kale chocolate smoothie?
Both. I am really greedy when it comes to chocolate (and ice cream as well). I haven’t had chocolate salad though, would definitely like to try that. (I hope chocolate salad exists)

>>If somebody buys you a kale-green chocolate brown sweater for Christmas, would you wear it?
Definitely.

>>What’s the longest time you’ve been in love for?
Longest time…. 7 years till…and still counting. So let’s see how long this last. (The over-dramatic romantic heart of mine wants it to be forever 🙂 )

So fun facts:

  • I was almost about to make a new post for this, cause my stupid brain realized it really late that “mystery blogger award” and “mysterious blogger award ” are basically same. And I realized it only when I google the creator  of this award to mention them in the post.
  • I am still wondering was replacing kale with chocolate a good move. Not sure. Forgive me. 😦

kji

Edited on 9 April 2018

I was  nominated by HemasSphere for this award. I am really thankful to her for consider my blog worth remembering. Means a lot. Do check out her lovely blog. 🙂

Here is the link to her post:

https://hemassphere.wordpress.com/2018/03/15/nominated-for-the-mystery-blogger-award/

Here are my answers to the questions (really tough questions) that she asked:

>>If you had the ability to speak and let people know of your thoughts the first day you were born, what would you say and to whom?

“Not this again”. That’s what I would say. 🙂

>>If you were given a choice to live on moon, would you take it? And would you go alone or take someone with you? And who would you take along, if you chose to and why?

I don’t want to go to moon. When I imagine myself outside earth anywhere in space, I feel a kind of dread. I don’t have a good feeling for it. So yeah I will probably stay here only.

>> If you had a choice to be invisible for a day, what would you do?

I would just mind my own business with the relief that no one can judge me now. Other than that I never had much interest in the power of becoming invisible. On the other hand, I always liked Mystique’s power (from X-Men), that is something interesting , to mimic someone’s appearance. Even though I may not have any use for this power, but I think it is a really cool power. (Now I have strayed too far from the question, as I normally end up doing)

>>Is there that 1 word which you hate using and hate to hear people use it? What is that 1 word?

The word that I hate most and that irritates me always is : “hmm”. This annoyance increases exponentially in text conversation. The moment someone says hmm, I feel like saying my goodbye’s to them for forever, and never talking to them again. To me it sounds like: “Whatever, as if I was listening to you. This is the most convenient thing to say especially when I have not been paying attention/ wants this conversation to end as soon as possible”.

>>As a writer, what would be that you want to tell the world often?

To appreciate the world and it’s beauty irrespective of the issue and problem in your life. If we stay alive through all the struggles in life and never realize that the world we lived the whole time, it would be really a waste.

kji

So that’s all I have got. Thank you once again for all who have nominated me for this award. I am ever grateful to you, to have provided me with little more confidence in myself (however short-lived that maybe).

 

 

“Promised Destiny”- Nayana Nair

boy-couple-girl-love-lights-romance-favim-com-4018688

This life. These people. Who can shatter

at least impact.

But I suppose we live in denial.

For I don’t think that we will

be living this life as we are

if we knew how delicate it is.

kji

I imagine you hands and their gentle grip.

You lips, how they curl when they smile,

and how lovely the words they utter.

You skin that shudders and shivers.

I imagine all this and all that is yours

And hence it is mine.

kji

But when you lifeless body

meets its promised destiny.

Will you still be mine?

Those eyes, that skin, those hands

without life.

And you will rot away

till you are part of this earth.

And you will be everywhere,

but still I would be alone.

kji

Is that love?

Is it love that makes my hand tremble

at the mere thought of you not being there.

Let’s choose this love

that will be end of me, end of you.

Let’s accept the pain this love is.

Because nothing we do,

no pain that we give each other

can be worse than what we will be left with

in the end.

“FRIGHTENED”- Nayana Nair

alone

I roam around these empty rooms,

this silent hallway.

And I am frightened.

Not frightened of loneliness or ghosts.

I am frightened of my response to this solitude.

I am frightened to see every fraction of me relax.

I am frightened of how calm my mind is,

how confident and powerful it feels.

3

I am frightened to know that any place can be my home

if it is mine and only mine.

I am frightened that this solitude

that gives me everything I want;

will take me far far way from

the people I love.

I am frightened that I love this loneliness so much

that I might always be alone.

“LET’S” – Nayana Nair

India by Joel Santos

Let’s sit in the crowded, tightly packed train.

with people we are partially curious and partially indifferent about.

Let’s be stripped of all luxuries money can afford.

Let’s for once force ourselves into suffering for few hours.

Let our legs hurt from sitting for hours,

and sleep rest on our eyelids, but never reach our eye.

Let’s witness the sun set on a land

we will never set foot on.

Let’s look at small hills

and wonder at the enormity of mountains

we have never seen.

Let’s get bored to death.

Let’s have no other way of amusing ourselves

than too look inside,

go though of what all we have hidden,

what we wanted to avoid.

Pull out each buried emotion and secret.

And when the trunk is almost empty.

Let’s find the happiness we have been looking for.

Let’s be at peace for a moment.

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“Fragmented Thoughts (6)”- Nikitha Nair

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The Dragon made her the princess, which the world wanted to save. No harm, no mistreatment. The Dragon treated her like a fellow companion. Without the fear of being chained or tortured or give up on her dreams. She lived with her Dragon in their desolate castle. Away from mankind. Away from hypocrisy. The days of Dragon were done. The Prince came. Slayed the dragon. Taken by the Prince, she was enslaved again. “I don’t want to go”, she cried. She ran. He caught her by hair and started beating her. Dragged her into the court. A chivalrous act it was called. The kingdom celebrated their prince’s victory. Stories were written “Saving the Princess”. Or so they were called. But not once did they ask her, “Who saved you?”.

tumblr_oa9ooigsbi1v7s6pao1_500

The Goodreads Book Tag

I was tagged by Jasmine @ How Useful It Is for Goodreads Book Tag. Thanks a lot, my fellow booklover. 🙂

gg

What is the last book you marked as read?

snow

I won’t say this is the best book I have read by Orhan Pamuk (for I have read only two of his books, can’t make such judgement), but I liked his novel “The Black Book” more. It is a good story nevertheless and had very touching part. I did like this book, because there was this air of mystery of not how-it-ends, but rather how-it-can-reach-this end.

What are you currently reading?

premchand

This is a collection of short stories in Hindi by Premchand. I don’t read Hindi much. Not cause I don’t like it, in fact I love this language. But I am not so good at it. Last time I read Hindi story would be when I was in school and that would be in 2009 (I didn’t like subject Hindi cause I was very very bad at it, has been reason for my headaches in school years). So, it’s quite nostalgic to read Hindi stories and I love it. Thinking of buying more Hindi novels in future. Right now , in this book, I am reading a short story named “Damul ka Qaidi”. Now, I don’t know what “Damul” is (so you can guess how bad my hindi is) but “qaidi” means prisoner. I tried to google what “damul” means , but till now only answer I could find is “Bonded until death”. I am not sure of its meaning. But I can understand the story somehow. I love reading Premchand’s stories, simple and meaningful.

I am sharing a link to english tranlastion of one of his short story “Bade Bhai Sahib”(My Elder Brother),  which I read when I was in 10th (or 9th) class in school and was my favourite story of subject that I dreaded.

http://ghai-tc.blogspot.in/2013/08/prem-chands-short-story-bade-bhai-sahib.html

What was the last book you marked as to read?

beloved

I  always wanted to read this book by Toni Morrison, but haven’t till date. I am never able to find it.(I have found other books by her, but for some reason I want to start reading her novels from “Beloved” ) I know I can order it online. But I don’t like buying books online. I prefer to go to bookstore and spend hours there.

Do you use the star rating system?

Yup, I do give star ratings to the books I  have read. But I don’t give reviews (most of the time). I am too lazy maybe.

What book do you plan on reading next?

lowland

I have read “The Namesake” by Jhumpa Lahiri previously. And I loved that book. So bought this book. I have very high expectations from it. Let’s see how that turns out.

Are you doing the 2016 reading challenge?

Yes, I am. I had actually forgotten about that till I read this question. I had aimed for 45 books and I have read 17 till now. But that’s just theory. In reality, I may have read more than that. But I forget to update my progress on Goodreads. By the time I remember I have to update it, I would have read 6-7 books and would be confused whether I have already updated that or not. In short, it’s a very confusing process for me to update my book progress and I am too lazy to sort that out.

What book do you plan on buying next?

the_almost_moon_alice_sebold_novel_cover_art

Had read “Lovely Bones” by Alice Sebold and loved it. So, I hope I can find it in the bookstore when I go book-shopping next time.

Do you have a wish list?

I don’t have a wish list. I find random books by random author ( at used-book sale). If I love it. I will hoard all the books by the same author. So my wishlist generally comprises reading (and buying) all books by my favorite author.

What is your favorite quote?

There are so so many quote that I love (but can’t recall).

I  will just quote some lines from the novel “Snow” that I finished reading last night.

Happiness is holding someone in your arms and knowing you hold the whole world.

Suddenly Ka realized he was in love with İpek. And realizing that this love would determine the rest of his life, he was filled with dread.

Who are your favorite authors?

Leo Tolstoy, Dorothy Koomson, Jodi Picoult, Orhan Pamuk(recent fav), Tami Hoag.

Have you joined any groups?

No. Though I would love to. But i is fairly impossible for me to read the book that everyone reading at current time. Can’t do that. I am too moody and the books I read depends on what I can find in a given bookstore. But, since my sweet sister also read novels, we have hours (or even days) long discussion on a book. I love that.

gg

I am tagging all my readers for “The Goodreads Book Tag”. If you do decide to take it up, please leave the link in comments, would love to read your answers.

 

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