“I have an Idea” -Nayana Nair

girlmirr

I have an idea of Myself.

And how often, in the unregistered intervals of time,

When thoughts of world avoided me

with as much  fervor as I avoid this world.

I think of what I am,

I realize that of all the people I have deceived,

the one I fooled with perfection was myself.

When I see what I do not want to,

my mind desperately grabs onto a stray thought,

to distract me from understanding

Of what I am about to realize.

gg

But I know this game too well

and this is not a secret that I have uncovered

for the first time in life.

It is what I half-remember in all my waking hours

and all that I know of in my sleep.

gg

I know this lie, I have been telling myself.

But today is not the day,

to shatter my Idea of Me

with one cruel realization.

gg

The day, when it comes,

shall be the last I breathe as me.

For I cherish this Idea

more than myself.

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