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Monthly Archives: April 2017

To be forgot

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There are places things go to be forgot-
the tip of your tongue, the back of your mind

“Time”, William Matthews

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“For my own sake” – Nayana Nair

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While I read,
the string of worlds,
the ribbon of words,
gets broken, gets tainted
by my own skewed perspective of world.
I don’t see other’s story
as a story.
I see them as manuals,
as guides,
to solve my own life.
My mind replaces each word
each face, each sorrow
with my own.
Till I no longer know
whose sorrow is it,
that fills me up and weighs me down,
whose memories
blurs my sight.

blueflower
What is written and what I read
are most often not the same.
And if ever
stories were meant to
understand this world.
I have not done it.
Every word I read,
every page I turned
was for my own sake.

“Slowly, Regretfully” – Nayana Nair

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I am dissolving in the
ocean that has no water
but only salt.
The salt
that is more closer to this earth
than I am.

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I am changing slowly, regretfully,
into a form of your liking.
A form
that feels more belonging in this world
than I ever will.

feff

My heart slips slowly
into the darkness inside.
A darkness
which feels more like home,
more like the freedom
that light had promised.

“Fire Drill” – Nayana Nair

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Yesterday the fire alarm rang.
We pretended to run
even though we knew of this lie.
Cause we were convinced
this will keep us alive,
when (if) our worst fear
(out of so many)
became reality.

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And in the open
where it was supposed to be safe
(as if any place in this world is safe)
when it started to drizzle,
people just wanted to run to a shelter.
Even if it meant taking refuge
in the building they ran away from
with fake fire.

uu

And so like always,
like all of us,
they ran from one place to another,
one fear to another.
And I realized I was too tired to run now.
Running from fire,
running from rain,
running from commitments,
running from love,
running from myself.
I was too tired.
Aren’t you?

“It didn’t matter” – Nayana Nair

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When love, friendship and family
were no big words
just words, like any other words
and it didn’t matter
which one mattered more,
which one came first,
it didn’t matter
what loyalty is , what betrayal is.

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When I didn’t know these words
things didn’t hurt so much.
When I didn’t know these words
I loved my friends better,
I loved my family better.
Without looking for anything more than
simple peasure of their company
and single prayer of their well being.

bfl

But when these words
were laid out on paper,
on my heart,
along with conditions,
they seemed like an agreement,
a selfish transaction.
And I was no longer sure
whether I wanted any of it.

“Dreaming of Love” – Nayana Nair

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If we were not here,
if we were not conveniently together,
but lived in places far apart
with only a bleak memory,
our companion,
the proof of our time together.
If we could not hear
each other’s voice everyday
but carry each other’s whispers
in the folds of our skin.
Do you think
we could have known each other better?
Do you think
we could have loved better,
By being far away?

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These arms that ache
by holding each other tighly,
in some other time,
in some other place,
may have yearned for a mere touch.
In that world,
I imagine myself
sitting in my backyard.
Looking at the never ending rows
of trees that I cannot name.
And wonder if our separation
will be as long as the life of these trees.
Will these silent friends of mine, these trees,
in this lifetime
know my happiness to have found you at last
as they have known my long wait?
I feel in some other world,
we exist like that,
our love exists like that.
I feel they must be dreaming of love
that we have right now.

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“Cover your eyes” – Nayana Nair

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Cover your eyes
with heartfelt goodbyes,
as they drift into a world
away from your cries.

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Doubt not.
Their love was true.
They forgave you for crimes
not known to you.

blueflower

But a heart is a heart
and it tires out someday
and it hurts them to leave
though they might not say.

blueflower

So when they leave you
with heart full of guilt
and eyes full of your last glimpse.
Do not let them hear
your requests to stay.
Do not let them see
the helplessness in your eyes.

blueflower

Cover your eyes
with heartfelt goodbyes,
with cheerful laughter
and hope that they find
whatever they are after.

goodbye

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