“Spare me” – Nayana Nair


Spare me from your prayers
and spare me from your hearts.
I do not yearn for heaven
for I never believed it from the start.
Spare me from your world.
The fear and resentment of being left beind
feels less like resentment each day.
The reality of life
the pain I have given myself
turns your crimes against me into kindness.


  1. Denny says:

    Deep despair will either harden you against God or soften your heart to God. The only thing that is a constant no matter what has happened to you in this life is that God spared nothing to show you that He loves you. Life and what it can dish out in hate, evil, and just plain bad things can cause a cloud of fog to obscure this truth. I know because I fell into a deep discouragement and deeply doubted His love for me.

    You requested me not to pray for you, so I am attempting to talk to you. Do you know I really want to pull you out of this time of rain in your heart, but I am helpless to do this wonderful work. Talk to the only one who is worthy and will listen. I talked to my heavenly Dad and He is there no matter how I feel. He offers the same to you. I am not His only child, some times it feels like it, though.

    I am glad you can express your feelings so well Nayana. God gave painfully of Himself to give you a chance to have a relationship with Him that can not be broken. If I have overstepped your bounds here please forgive me but please talk to God like He is your most trusted confidant. No matter how you feel about God He still loves you.

    With a fellow aching heart,

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Thank you for you kind words ๐Ÿ™‚ and I am grateful that you took time and effort to connect with me.
      My faith in God takes different forms but has never wavered. But the issue that I have is how the society as such tries to dictate how I need to live my life in order to be loved by God. And many a time people pray not for me to get out of my despair, but rather that I would come to my senses and correct my lifestyle or belief to a way that they approve of. I know they mean well. But I cannot help but feel sad at how people don’t actually care to know the pain of other fellow humans but are very eager to judge.
      My love for God is more of spiritual nature than religious. And I am sure that I was able to make it through all the turbulent times because of his love.
      But life does get hard and it is tiring sometimes to even wake up.
      I appreciate your care. Thanks a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. Denny says:

        Nayana Thank you for this clarification! I know I did not deserve an explanation like this. I am only one person that you do not even really know. You have great compassion toward me in revealing this of yourself and your walk with God.

        The gospel of Jesus Christ is simple, so simple that some people cannot understand it. The one struggle I will share with you about the gospel is that it is too good to be true! I have nothing I can compare to here on this earth. Yet as I step into reality I find it to be more true each and every day. One of my short prayers is: I believe you God, help my unbelief to be overcome.

        It sounds like you have walked through a valley of the shadow of death. Even though it is hard to keep walking do not be stagnant and stay there in the valley of shadows. As you are following God he is continuously moving toward a goal of you being the best you you can possibly be. This is the reality that I hope you find. Unfortunately, reality also says this world stinks a lot of the time. The best part of reality is God loves you all the time no matter what.

        I recently read that the more I am able to believe in God’s love for me the less time and space I will have in my life for the more negative parts of life. What do you think?

        I am glad to get to know another Reformation style Christian who is dealing with understanding the gospel of Jesus Christ and what it really means. I encourage you on your walk with God. From my experience it is amazing how wrong decisions I have made has taught me so much about how God works in his goodness. God is totally amazing and blows me away with his incredible love.

        I just want you to know that I claim you as a full complete sister in Christ. I really do not know what encourages you the most, but whatever it is I wish I could give you a double dose right now. Keep walking strong my fellow laborer in Christ.

        Remember you are not a man pleaser but you must live pleasing to God! God and God alone hold your reputation in his hands. Believe that God is and he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

        Thank you for letting me know a little more about you Nayana.

        Your brother in Christ,

      2. Nayana Nair says:

        So true. I agree with you.

        I think irrespective of whatever life gives if we do our best while trying to be nicer to each other, only that should be enough to make the world more livable.
        Thanks a lot for your words.
        God bless you. ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. Denny says:

        May I pray for you as I read your posts?

      4. Nayana Nair says:

        Sure ๐Ÿ™‚ I will pray for you too ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. farrukh says:

    Wow amazing, i know that pain when others think ur an unbeliever cause u don’t connect to god like they do. The first line had me “spare me your prayers” – been shouting this one in my head all my life…

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Glad to know that you could relate with what I feel ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

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