I have waited and dreaded this moment
where all my memories come rushing back in
and all my sins outweigh the suffering I had
and nothing I could tell myself
will absolve me from my crimes.
I can look back and say
“I was immature and I didn’t know enough.”
But is that enough?
But is that a valid reason?
Can any reason
validate the pain that continues to grow
in the chest of other
while my own brain is busy burying facts
that puts me in a bad light?
How can I talk like this
as if I am the one suffering?
But if I look back one more time
I am afraid I can never move forward.
Does it make sense that still I think of myself?
What kind of repentance is this?
Does it make sense for me to cry?
Published by Nayana Nair
I am Nayana Nair. I'm 28. Just a person who has tons of things to talk about....not much organized thoughts sadly.
I'm interested in all forms of storytelling (though I don't have the talent for it). So I like series, movies, novels, anime, and whatnot. I'm also really passionate about music, psychology, learning languages (I just dream big, too undisciplined to makes any actual progress) and literature. I am overall just a curious person who is interested in all kinds of things, as long as they suit my taste.
I always wanted to be a writer (and also a teacher)..But I don't think I have the skills required...this blog is just my attempt at becoming the writer I always wanted to be...Blogging for few years, I have realized I am more of a poet (although, I am not sure that I am good enough for that label)...I hope I realize more about myself through writing.
Thanks for dropping by!! Hope I didn't disappoint. :)
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nayana u hit me my heart like a damn bullet on this one
i can not tell how much i deal with. guilt is the worst and i feel it it so much its abnormal
Glad you liked it 😊 Thank you 😊
I know that feeling, when one has to suffer from guilt. And we can’t even reach out for help because of our guilt, because of our believe that we deserve this for the bad that we did. But still we want to save ourselves from condition as it tries to drag us down.
Once something is done, what does bringing back accomplish? You can’t change an iota of it! And what good does beating yourself up about accomplish? All it does like holding a hot potato burn and hurt and again accomplishing nothing that changes the sin or error. Make amends whim whomever you offended including yourself, ask forgiviness, and move on leaving EVERYGTHING in the past where it belongs. If you believe in God, ask Him for forgiveness and He promishes to grant it and remember your sin no more. So if the Almighty can forget and forgive, why can’t you?! 🙂 ❤
I totally agree with what you say. But human emotions doesn’t necessarily follow the line of reasoning. At least from my experience, I think forgiving yourself takes a lot more time. And till the time comes, when your heart can come in terms with what it needs to do, till that time, we have to go through this struggle.
I also hope we all find find strength in ourselves to accept what cannot be changed.
I appreciate your words of support. Thanks a lot. 🙂 xoxo