“If this was Home” – Nayana Nair

There was never a point of time
when I could sit back and say-
“This is home.
This is where I will always be.
No one can take me away from here.
Here is where I am bound to be.”
Because I could never hold onto anything
even when I wanted to.

***

I was always convinced
that there is something very sinister in me
that would be seen, that would show itself
sooner or later,
that I am not all good.
In fact being good is not in my nature,
but just something I carry out
so that people can try to love me,
a behavior I often dropped
when it suited me.

***

But as much as I am repelled my nature
I also end up finding myself pitiful for how I end up alone
and knowing my flaws
doesn’t make me hate myself enough
to stop me from demanding some consolation from my life
for making it so far.
I want to believe that I at least deserve
a small happiness of my own,
if not the joys of entire world.

9 Comments

  1. loveintheair says:

    Ohh it really nice…πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‰

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Glad you liked it πŸ™‚
      Thank you πŸ™‚

  2. Oh no, you DO deserve so much.
    Especially happiness and the joys of the world. Say to yourself, you deserve this and it shall be so.

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Thanks dear πŸ™‚ will try telling myself that
      It’s just that when it comes to the question of what we deserve- as much as we deserve better, somewhere in our mind we also know we deserve worse. As we have as much bad as we have done good. But I agree with you we should try to stay positive and try to reach out for the happiness that the world deserves in general. πŸ™‚

      1. No raining in the heart today okay?
        Im sending my sunshine your way.

      2. Nayana Nair says:

        Ok πŸ™‚ no more rains for today πŸ™‚
        Thank you for the sunshine πŸ˜€

  3. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You are simply FANTASTIC.

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Thank you πŸ™‚ Means a lot πŸ™‚

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