“bedtime stories of what you used to be” – Nayana Nair

Even as I want to cut out your stories from my skin,
even as I want to walk away from what you will always be,
I end up recalling all the time
you tried to be better than what you are.
When without any calculations,
without the thought of consequences,
without even knowing it yourself
you placed my broken body in your heart
and tried to do anything,
say anything that could make me feel better.
How sincere your words felt to me,
you’d never know.
And that’s why I stay
so that you may know
how you have held me together with your love.

Now that you are breaking,
now that your cracks are the only things I see,
now when I feel nothing like love for you,
I want to be better than what I am.
So even though I feel like crying every time I see you like this
and feel wronged by this life from time to time.
But it seems you are the one thing in my life
that I cannot run away from, even when I want to.

12 Comments

  1. When a relationship ends we often dwell on what we gained at first, which is a good thing. If there is dependency then perhaps a relationship is not as secure as we think. The feeling of ‘nothing’, that all might be over, set against not being able to get away from your gins, that is an interesting way to finish your poem πŸ™‚

    1. There was a quote which I read sometime ago. Though I cannot quote it word to word, but it went something along the lines of “There are as many love as there are people in this world”. To some extent I do believe in that. There is not once definition, or an ideal love that must be there for everyone. For some love might be because of the connection we feel feel with someone or adoration or even dependency. I think each relationship is unique in that way. The dynamics of a relationship or even the reason of why it exist might be difficult to be explained to a third person. So even a type of relationship that is based on dependency, doesn’t need to be a failure or pointless, as long as feeling of dependency matters to those involved in it. That’s just what I think πŸ™‚
      Really glad that you liked my work πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much πŸ™‚

      1. Yes, the quote is interesting. I do recall discussing that with students, the discussion being really about ‘how many times do we really fall in love’ and whether we mistook feelings of desire for love. The discussion went all over the place, including the idea of being in love with several people at the same time and at one point I think even drifted towards their thoughts on polyamory! It is always nice to read your thoughts. πŸ™‚

      2. Sounds like an interesting topic to discuss πŸ™‚
        I am glad to hear that you like my thought. I feel the likewise for you as well. I always look forward to see your view on the poems I write πŸ™‚
        Thank you πŸ™‚

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