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“this how i want to be frozen in you” – Nayana Nair

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wave after wave of cold air,
of sad premonitions
reached us, tried to convince us
that this was a really bad idea.
that on a cold day like this
there were easier ways to find warmth,
ways that would take away no part of us.

and frankly i was afraid.
i stopped maybe a million times on my tracks.
i waited for someone to call me
to remind me of something really urgent
that needed my attention.
i almost prayed for you to give up.

but you kept walking.
you kept repeating that this would be fun.
so even when your hands were shaking
and even when your eyes were red,
i chose not to notice it.
i chose to believe that your heart is stronger,
that you would get us there.

you were always better at pretending for my sake.
you pretended to know all the answers
while i shamelessly hid behind you
when doubts barked at me on streets.
so when we walk on the river that could melt any day, any moment
i wanted you to lean on my heart for once.

my fearful weak heart was the only thing i could give.
i knew my love would last only moments and yours would last an eternity.
but selfishly i held onto you.
so when i kissed you and you smiled,
i want to say i felt sad and guilty,
but i did not.
i was just happy, probably the happiest on this planet
to have touched this sun, this spring, this filler of all voids,
to have become the reason you will break.
i really am the worst.

About Nayana Nair

Hi, I am Nayana Nair. I'm 25. Just a crazy girl who has tons of things to talk about....not much organized thoughts sadly. I like to talk about everything...mostly..every conversation of mine turns into a monologue.... So I decided I should start writing a blog..rather than chat.... I'm very much passionate about music, psychology and literature.... Moderate interest in science..... I always want to be a writer (and also a teacher)..But I don't think I have the skills required...this blog is just my attempt at becoming the writer I always wanted to be...Blogging for few years, I have realized I am more of a poet (although, I am not sure that I am good enough for that label)...I hope I realize more about myself through writing. Thanks for dropping by!! Hope I didn't disappoint. :)

14 responses »

  1. Deeply-thought, warmly romantic, melancholic poem. Very, very good, Nayana!

    Reply
  2. I see the different ‘voices’ and I see the struggle. From the poet’s viewpoint an excellent piece of penmanship.(perhaps that should be penwomanship) There were some lines that set me thinking.
    ‘i waited for someone to call me
    to remind me of something really urgent
    that needed my attention.’
    There is a sense of wanting to flee the situation but you need a good excuse. What are you trying to flee and why? (these are not questions I expect you to answer!)
    ‘you kept repeating that this would be fun.
    so even when your hands were shaking
    and even when your eyes were red,
    i chose not to notice it.’
    Is the last line here an expression of doubt, or wanting simply to block something out.
    ‘ have become the reason you will break.
    i really am the worst.’
    That last line almost seems like suppressed terror, something breaking and holding yourself responsible for the consequences.
    I know I have used ‘you’ but that is an expression, I am not trying to analyze Nayana the person.
    I did write ‘What if’ after reading so much of your work, but again, that is not meant to be personal, I had in mind something about difficulty in communication. Thank you for posting this.

    Reply
    • I always look forward to hear your views about my poem and the topic it covers. And when you notice the details that may get overlooked normally, it is really rewarding πŸ™‚ Thank you for giving this much of your attention to my work. Means a lot πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

      Reply
  3. It’s so beautiful Γ‘ayana πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€πŸ˜€
    By each line while reading them . It just makes me smile with it’s beauty.
    Keep writing like this girl
    See soon, great going

    Reply
  4. I can’t emphasize how badly I’m in love with this poem! This was just beautiful!

    Reply
  5. As great as always. Nayana for a change why don’t to try to explore some lighter side of life..

    Reply
    • Glad you liked it πŸ™‚ Thank you πŸ™‚
      I was recently talking to someone about this. About the topics that my poems are on. I know that most of my work are on same topic. (I know more than 300 poems on same topic, can get a bit boring or less exciting to read as well). But the thing is, this topic, this feeling is something that attracts me the most. Every time I am writing it is different to me, because I can see the minor but important difference between them. I think for sometime I want to write about what sadness is, how to accept it, how to deal with it and about vulnerability. That is something that I fascinated for sometime. I do not like to force myself to write about things I do not have deep feelings or interest for.
      But you never know, possibly in future, I may end up lighter stuff as well.
      But I am thankful that you have supported my work till now.
      Thanks a lot πŸ™‚

      Reply
  6. Another beautiful poem! So thoughtful, impactful, and just wonderful. You’re very talented πŸ™‚

    Reply

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