“notes to myself/words i never follow” – Nayana Nair

travel light
and don’t get your heart broken
no matter what you are promised in return.

don’t try to make another’s skin yours.
the cold won’t kill you, but the search of warmth will.

you may cry, cry, and cry.
you may think you will cry for an eternity.
but sleep will still find your exhausted eyes
and you will learn to dream somehow.
but do not have the same dream again.

do not seek forgiveness
for what you have done to yourself.
seek a doctor, seek a friend,
seek a way to live,
seek a way to see yourself as victim also
even if it crushes your pride.

bury your heart
only in your own chest.

4 Comments

  1. “Don’t try to make another skin yours. The cold won’t kill you, but the search for warmth will.” What interesting advice! It seems to me counter-intuitive, but so much in life is counter-intuitive, is it not? It makes me wonder what specific things happened for you to arrive at that view. As to whether it is good advice or not, I’m going to mull it over. I suspect sometimes, and sometimes not.

    So strikingly well put though! As is the rest of the poem.

    1. These are not necessarily advises, even if they are I don’t think they are good advises. It is more of the sort of things we tell ourselves when we have been through something…”never will i do this again…” – that sort of stuff. They are not necessarily correct or something I am suggesting others to follow. Just wanted to write about the things we tell ourselves not to do (which we ignore again, like the diet we never stick to).
      About this specific line. It would be somewhat analogous to “it’s better to be alone, that being lonely in a crowd”. Not exactly, but somewhat.
      Many time we feel alone, and end up trying to be with people, and think that it is better this way, it is better to have someone. But it might not be so for many, I think I would be one of those ‘many’.
      When we are with someone, we start expecting a lot from them, we expect them to be a certain way, or act a certain way. I have never figured out the line between being honest/standing up for oneself and being demanding. At some point in every relationship I want to call the other as mine, when myself don’t want to be chained to anyone. If someone told me, you should not live this way, I would say “let me live my life” (I speak more blunt and rude than that). But I want the other to consider my opinion on their life. Knowing how ridiculous it is, I have always tried not to voice such opinions. But it is such a struggle, to expect and never get it, to doubt your own self-worth over it, to doubt the feelings of the other involved and so many other complicated emotions follow, that in their gist are pretty destructive emotionally at least.
      Now this is not because I love. It is because I want what I love to be mine. This want that is ridiculous even in my own eyes, end up suffocating me and the other person.
      At the same time being in cold, being alone…the thing that we think will be our end, is not our end, most of the time. We are pretty much adaptable. We get used to stuff, we get over such sorrow, we learn to cope with it. Because it is a static issue, there is a lifetime to slowly overcome it. But with people things change in a second, and it hurts because we wanted them to be something they are not, or they cannot continue to be.
      So that’s why “don’t try to make another skin yours. the cold won’t kill you, but the search of warmth will.”
      Am I not sure if I making much sense…but that would be a summary of what I think.

      I am really glad that you liked it πŸ™‚ Thank you so much Paul. πŸ™‚

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