“in this castle of forever” – Nayana Nair

i held on,
only because i feared
i might regret giving up on someone
whom i could have probably loved again with time.

i held on even when
this scenario of finding love in you again
didn’t give me any happiness.

love only taught me fear.
fear of hurting you.
fear of being hurt.

in this castle of forever
i haunted the one who haunted me back.
we have hidden our bodies, our heart
somewhere no one can find.

we wait for the other
to give up or grow up.
we wait for someone else
to pull us apart.

3 Comments

  1. “in this castle of forever
    i haunted the one who haunted me back.”

    Even though I don’t fully understand the line I quite like it. That’s what always boggles me about poetry 🙄

    1. If I had to explain the line, it would go something like this:
      Normally it could have been “in this castle of forever i loved the one who loved me back”…something of that sort. But in this specific case, or situation that I am trying to portray – love has become synonymous of fear. “I love her so I don’t want to hurt her” changes to “If she gets hurt I don’t know how to deal with it”, “What if she hates me or leaves me for doing or saying something like this”. Though I would say being concerned about how your actions might affect the person you love is really thoughtful. But sometimes it is turns into avoiding what needs to be said. Some forevers last not because of love, but because of fear. We try to be good, we try to say the right thing, even if we don’t want to to maintain this forever. This fear, this hesitancy almost becomes a ghost that only we can see, that we fear. That the one I love haunts me and the one who loves me is haunted by me. We are each other’s worst case scenario, our possible hurt that we are trying to avoid. I think I wanted to portray that. Not sure if this explanation made any sense. Sometimes it just a feeling that cannot be described by any other set of words.

      But I agree with you. Most of the times in poetry, we read something that we don’t fully grasp or understand. But some part of our heart does understand it even if it cannot make sense of it. That is one of the many charms of poetry I guess.

      Really glad that you liked my poem 🙂 Thank you so much. 😀

      1. Wow, thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. And it makes a lot more sense now. To be honest, I kind of felt that’s what you meant, but I have a habit of going off on a different tangent quite often, so I thought it’d be better to ask. Thank you! And yes, I agree with your views on this, Nayana. Many forevers are lost in the fray because of these fears and attitudes.

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