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“What I Remember (20)” – Nayana Nair

I am told I am not wise,
that I do not have the intellect
that could make anyone swoon over me.
I try too hard, put too much effort
to be considered worth protecting.
I rank even lower on the stats of beauty.
I know that since I have found discarded papers
written by boys-who-will-always-be-boys
who document my plummeting desirability religiously.
But since I am not the type to conform
(tsk tsk…so many vices)
I cannot help but choose to take on the role
of the bitter girl
and judge in my mind everyone
who cruelly prosecutes me in jokes and harmless fun in my absence,
but are kind enough to leave behind enough clues
for me to figure out where I must stand in this world.

It has become my habit to consider them desperate,
manipulative and not worth my time or attention.
I know now, how to look down on everyone who looks down on me.
It’s a wonderful feeling really.
To feel like a flawed monster with some control.
To be free from the want to be understood by the “cool” people.
To stop expecting for things to change.
I have enough paranoia and enough stubbornness
to last this lifetime.
I have enough reasons to hate passionately all those who hate me.
I may know too less about life,
I may underestimate the phrase “but-tomorrow-you-might-need-them”
but I cannot turn my other cheek
and I cannot let myself want to be a friends/minion of theirs.
My heart may be dissolving in my own acidic hate for this world
But at least I know I took on my own side in all my fights.
I may not expect much from world, but expect a lot from myself.
This is the bare minimum I can do
to preserve myself in this world that changes everyone in the name of fun.

About Nayana Nair

Hi, I am Nayana Nair. I'm 25. Just a crazy girl who has tons of things to talk about....not much organized thoughts sadly. I like to talk about everything...mostly..every conversation of mine turns into a monologue.... So I decided I should start writing a blog..rather than chat.... I'm very much passionate about music, psychology and literature.... Moderate interest in science..... I always want to be a writer (and also a teacher)..But I don't think I have the skills required...this blog is just my attempt at becoming the writer I always wanted to be...Blogging for few years, I have realized I am more of a poet (although, I am not sure that I am good enough for that label)...I hope I realize more about myself through writing. Thanks for dropping by!! Hope I didn't disappoint. :)

17 responses »

  1. No fun at all when people try to bring us down. We have to remind ourselves that we are worthy, loved and beautiful! Perfect in every way! 🙂

    Reply
    • Totally agree with you dear. People are very irresponsible with their words and actions. They do not even remember who all they have hurt. We should not let our lives be ruined by their thoughtlessness. As you said we should never forget our worth because of such meanness.
      Really glad that you liked my work 🙂
      Thank you 🙂 😀

      Reply
  2. You be the bitter girl. I’ll be the bitter boy.
    We will despise. No compromise
    Assumptions we’ll destroy
    For we are underrated. Educated. First in line
    They didn’t dance. So missed their chance
    There will be no next time.

    Reply
  3. This such a splendid piece of work, Nayana❤

    Reply
  4. I don’t get why people can’t just be nice to one another, it isn’t even that hard. Assholes give poets good material though 🙂

    Reply
  5. I wish people could just treat others with respect. Is that so hard? 😦 ❤

    Reply
    • True. I wish the same dear.
      Let’s hope some day we won’t have to write about such stuff and not have to get frustrated by the cruel way this world works.
      Glad you liked my work. Thank you 🙂

      Reply
      • I feel so fortunate, Nayana, for the good people in my life — both online and off — very much including you. Some long time ago, there were so few good people in my life. Those were not happy years.

  6. Such strong and powerful words that truly evoked strong emotion from me.

    Reply

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