“What I Remember (24)” – Nayana Nair

It is time to go out into the world.

It is time that I try hard to get my heart broken
and pretend that it is happening for the first time,

to claim that I trusted blindly
knowing it is not something I am capable of,

to fit my body awkwardly
in the kind of life that people call ‘life’

to find words, to practice the new lingo
that can make something about me relatable,
so that my skin soaked in a tiring tale of sadness
doesn’t make me an alien,

to fill me up again with pictures
of parks, cafes, malls, and roads filled with people
who supposedly like each other,
if not a lot,
then at least enough to not let their ailing self
ruin the perfect moment, the perfect teamwork, the perfect promise.
(Perfection that relies on someone else
doesn’t sit well with me.)

It is time I find something new
that I cannot be or cannot have
before I lock myself up again
for next hundred heart years.

So while I am out to find something to write about and hurt about
miss me my cell,
pray for me.
I am afraid that once I am surrounded by all
that I have learned not to want,
I might start to hope again.
I might slip again.
I might forget to see the distance that I carry in me
and get disappointed by the doors that I can’t reach.

8 Comments

  1. This poem kind of reminds me of when I left home to move to California πŸ™‚ When I arrived in LA, the first thing I did was walk along the beach at the Santa Monica Pier, and I thought a lot of things just like this! πŸ™‚ Bravo!

    1. Really glad that you found this poem relatable and that it could bring back some memories. Thanks for sharing that moment with me. I found it sort of heart warming when I pictured it in my mind πŸ™‚
      Really glad that you liked it dear πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

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