It hurts a bit more naturally
and less violently,
now that betrayal has a range,
has not one but many faces.
Now I need not figure what I did wrong.
All the boxes are checked:
family, family, friends, not friends,
people who marked my skin with their name
to own me
while i slept in their arms
(another golden cup added to collection of people hard to get,
people who won’t die if thrown away or left alone)
loves whom i am tied to,
the ones who demand smile and sometimes a bit more,
always a bit more.
They know the feel of my hand and love how it heals.
They hold my hand in their sleep
in their nightmares, in the storms of passion
that they need a person to aim at.
They break my wrist
in my nighmares, in my awareness of my fruitless love.
When I am at verge of crying,
they tell me to not give them a hard time
and to act like the refuge that I am supposed to be.
So I tell them “I love you”
and this lie hurts a little less everyday
as my heart becomes the stone pedestal
all my loves stand on.
I experience this and it is not love. we deserve to be loved fully by someone equal to us.. in my experience these kinds of people (or me) are very very rare.
I agree with you.
But often I have seen when we want something that is fair, we are told that we are not capable of love if we think of only ourselves. I think in many relationship someone is forced to take up the role of the one who has to give up on their own wants and feelings for the sake of feeling. But if this sense of sacrifice is not mutual, is the other person even worth giving up yourself for. It is at this point that I can’t help but wonder that maybe I am capable of only conditional love.
I hope we are all find people who love us the way we love them. Nothing less, nothing more. 🙂
Glad you liked my work dear 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Yes that is all so true.. its not easy is it and it is complex.. let’s keep open and hopeful… maybe its all about reflection on some deeper level 🙂