“one more person” – Nayana Nair

the one thing i can’t be
is honest.

though there are many other adjectives
that stare at me
from their balconies at midnight
as i walk and crawl through the dirt road,
through the pool of lights,
crying and shouting and breaking dreams
in every home that i pass by.
i hear them shaking their heads
with disapproval and hopelessness.
i look at their hazy shadows
and try to hate them in equal measures
but i don’t
because they are so easy to forget.

but this honesty,
this honesty that people expect
vexes me.
this expectation
makes me want to hide, run, run over their hearts
all because it is so simple.
all because the ones who ask me of this
through their tears
are not mere observers
but are the ones struggling to stay close to me
fighting the unnecessary sandstorm i create everyday.
they are the ones who deserve honesty.
they are the ones i don’t deserve.

but my dishonesty is not only for this world.
it is the only thing i can offer to myself as well.
so again, i wake up in their arms
with another lie ready on my lips.
i hug them with with my true love and my false heart.

i don’t try to make it right
when they are in shambles again
because there is no fancy way to put it,
there is no beauty in what i do,
there is no promise i would keep.
there are only people who i leave.
even when i can’t bear to miss one more person again.

3 Comments

  1. Nayana, this SO descrbes the condition of so many. It is honest and true. I love that about it, though I feel the pain contained within it, and the confusion.

    1. Thank you so much dear 🙂
      I am so glad that my words could reach you, that you could see the pain in it. I was not sure when I was writing this poem, if I would be capture the exact feelings correctly. Really glad to hear this from you. You words have given me an assurance in my work.
      Thank you so much dear. 😀 Means a lot.

      1. You are so welcome Nayana. Your poems are always deep. You do not scratch the surface, and I love that about your poetry.

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