“News of my new love and loveless life” – Nayana Nair

all my hopes, now in your hands,
feel like signs of trouble.
i liked it on paper, the broken star in red ink,
but not on my sky.
can i undo my steps to you?
will my heart break even if you leave my skin?

before i turn away from you
there are things that must be done.
(only painful things are remaining
no matter what i choose)
everyday for a hour i must imagine
being alone in this world.
everyday i must imagine
the relief you would feel
at my absence.
everyday i must imagine you with someone
and being capable of caring.
i must imagine in detail and color.
i must put you on a window in clothes
i don’t recognize.
i must strip you of my love
and hope you feel the warmth,
even when my heart tells that you won’t.
i must stand outside the shop i plan to leave you at
and practice standing there without tears in my eyes.
i must take your feelings out of picture
to take even one step away from you.
before i turn away from you
i have to turn into the person
who won’t be able to walk towards any happiness
after leaving you broken.

in my room, on my phone,
with another love, in the crowd
that will never be mine,
i feel my heart drunk on you again.
and everywhere you are with me
i need someone else
to keep me from making another mess
in your name, for my sake.
in return, i love them the only way i can,
the way only i can,
by removing you from the search history of my mind
every second i live.
i love them
by holding them back from running to the one,
who like you, can only love in dark dripping red
and swelling universe of purple.

speaking without fear,
loving without abandon,
sitting in sunshine,
somehow loving the world,
wanting to stay alive,
getting comfortable with the concept of wanting,
knowing the feeling of being considered and seen,
(all this
with you at the back of my mind).
i told you, all this is my life now-
the easiest life i have ever had.
i hope you believe.
it would be the happiest end,
if you would accept this
as the last scene of me in your life.
i want to live so better,
just so that you can forget
the me who could do nothing but get hurt
only because i didn’t want to live without love.
i want to be better than that, even if it makes me sad.


  1. grumpygorman says:

    W.O.W. That is all.

    re-posted it here: https://grumpysgiftspoetry.org/2020/08/07/news-of-my-new-and-loveless-life-nayana-nair-it-rains-in-my-heart/

    how could i not?

    Thanks for sharing your words. πŸ™‚

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Thank you so much for sharing my work πŸ™‚ Means a lot πŸ™‚
      Really glad that you liked my poem πŸ™‚

      Have an awesome day ahead. πŸ™‚

  2. kimraypoet says:

    I am literally crying reading these poems. You’ve captured so many emotions I have felt and I love the drawing included.

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Really glad to hear that you could relate to my word and that my work could touch your heart. It means a lot. πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much dear πŸ™‚
      I hope in spite of all that we face, we find in ourselves the strength to face another that with our heart that doesn’t know how to feel less.
      Once again, thank you so much πŸ™‚
      Have an awesome day dear. πŸ™‚

      1. kimraypoet says:

        i love that… β€˜the strength to find another that doesn’t know how to feel less.’ this means so much to me right now. knowing a love that touches so deep and knowing it has the same effect with the other person, it means everything.

  3. almerighi says:

    gorgeous poems! Greeting from Italy

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Thank you so much πŸ™‚
      Really glad that you liked my work πŸ™‚

      Greetings and regards from India πŸ˜€

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s