“A New Hate” – Nayana Nair

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Surely, I love you.
Why else would I need to find a new me?
Why else, after all these years, would my jagged ends
and my fearful heart
bother me, when I have finally learned to look at them
with the kindness I was not born with?
But do you have to necessarily know of this-
these messy feelings of mine?
You are making me change.
You are making me learn
a new hate towards myself , just by existing.
Just the possibility that I might be in your heart
kills me, makes me come alive, makes me want to
undo the ties that I have held me safe,
made me safe for the world.
As long as you are here, I can never go back
to the life where I exist with ease.
It is ridiculous how I am convinced
that I will be never myself if I am apart from you,
even when I know it is a lie.
Today, I carve another need in my heart,
that I once could live without.
Today I hate you a bit more.
But you don’t have to know that.

2 Comments

    1. Thank you 🙂
      I agree with you. Hate is harmful. But since human feelings are so complex, even in our deepest love we still have other conflicting emotions.

      (Gracias 🙂 😀
      Estoy de acuerdo contigo. El odio es dañino. Pero dado que los sentimientos humanos son tan complejos, incluso en nuestro amor más profundo todavía tenemos otras emociones en conflicto.)

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