.
I have to always stop myself
because my mind is always running simulations
of things the way they aren’t and will never be.
Yesterday, as I fixed myself a “meal for the raving hungerless”,
you came to my mind. It was your turn now.
You were dropped into a pool of color.
A color that you never had in yourself.
In this new dark room
you were now a person
who might open a fridge late at night,
see its light and think of me.
And stands there awashed in the cold light
till his head is filled
with a new noise and many old feelings.
Till his hands are forced to shut the door
only to find himself
in the comfort of a warm hell.
“warm hell”…as always
the grandness of my being and my absence sound hollow.
Nothing like this could be really so important.
Nothing of mine could cause such lovelorn ache.
I am running around by myself, in myself
wearing masks having these feelings,
having wants that make no sense.
I always wonder about other people in this world.
How the fabric of such thoughts, such hopeless feelings
never seem to suit their skin,
even though I know everyone suffers the same.
I wonder if my reality
is equally incomprehensible, unimaginable to others.
it rains in my heart 
I have lost count of the number of times my mind would run simulations and dream about different scenarios before any interviews or meetings. When I went into management I would do this more and more!!!
I also do the same mostly for making calls and meetings. That is just not my element and I struggle so got to be prepared 🙂 But I never do that for interviews cause being the pessimist I am I think up all the ways the interview can go wrong and end up making myself more anxious. So I just sit there trying to keep my mind blank before I sabotage myself with my own imaginations 🙂 😀
I remember worrying about an interview and then surprising myself by reacting to a question. The question was ‘What can you bring to the department?’ I responded by saying that I bring change, I change the way people think and I change the way they do things! When I left a few years later they all remembered what I had said and all agreed that I had done what I said I would. Sometimes being bold and forward can actually be an advantage. Keep up the writing. I really enjoy reading your work.