“All this destruction does something to me” – Nayana Nair

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The fork in my hand scratches furiously
at the new sheen of the borrowed plate.
The dense death
and the calcium of my hand tries to make a dent
in my green vessels, my skin too persistent
to break away, to let anyone else win.
My teeth runs away from cheap meat-
the soft fish, the bird drained of blood
lie wasted in the mouth of people as they
kiss and cave into equally hungry lying mouths.
My teeth digs in, tears into that one loveless heart,
trying to find some hunger for myself,
a hollow to store my excess, my too much,
the insufferable and the glittering overflow,
the by-product of life that doesn’t want to be lived.
All this destruction,
does something to me
I feel there is revelation, some hidden logic
these marks and sounds are leading me to,
so I flow along.
waiting for the moment when the desperate whimpers
give away to something else, something beautiful,
something that will make me finally cry
that will hurt me in the most irreversible way
something that will make me a human
capable of losing and loving anyway.
Maybe ‘the end’ is just a scary sign,
beyond which the life I wanted to live begins,
a place without illusions and truths.
A point of just easy breathing.”

2 Comments

  1. Sometimes I feel we try and escape into ourselves and seek solitude that may not really be there. Then we become afraid to reach out, but inwardly there is still a desire to do so. To me, all endings are merely the beginnings of whatever will take the space vacated in my mind. I love reading your work and find it so thought-provoking. Take care Nayana

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      I agree with you. Most of the time even when we withrdraw ourselves from a lot many things in life, but there is always a want, a yearning to reach out for something more, something substantial, something that can give this life some sort of meaning or rhyme. It is just that we all do it in very different ways. We search for that something more in very different places. Ends just happen to be one of the places which look uninviting and unpleasant to many, but as you said they also hold so many beginnings.

      I am really glad you liked my poem 🙂 Always grateful for your kinds words, for your support.

      Hope you have a wonderful day. 😀 Take care.

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