“The snow continues to pile as our breath struggles to remember life” – Nayana Nair


The walls gave birth to new ghosts
and the chill in our lungs
grew as a garden of hyacinth.
Whatever remained of our suns
was now dying with us.
“Give in to the end with grace”
said a detached cold voice on screen.

So in my remaining breaths
I tried to write something wise about life
but somehow it all came back
to those few names
repeated again and again,
it somehow came back to not wanting to die.

I looked at her across the room
as she ran her fingers through the spread of cards
with a smile that still brushed against my heart
like a butterfly with one wing of metal
and other made of light.
It doesn’t make sense that this all has to end.

Someone out there in the snow
continued to sing about heartbreaks
and the glory of this release
and yet what wouldn’t I give
only to feel another despair of love
if that is how she could live a little more in me.


  1. This may be the result of ageing, I don’t really know. My own perspective on the end of life is not one of fear. I have learned to appreciate and greet each new day and the opportunities each day provides. At the same time, I really do fear for the planet’s future and what we are doing to destroy so much that our grandchildren will have a very different experience. I watch as people squabble and fight over a piece of land whilst they destroy that land in the process and wonder whether we are all taking leave of our senses! Learning to love nature and to love each other seem far more important. I am rambling. Sorry.

    1. Nayana Nair says:

      Don’t be sorry. I enjoy reading your thoughts. Rambling is the fun part for me. 🙂
      As for my thoughts on this, I can only assume and imagine what it would feel like if I came to the point when the end of life becomes a reality (like you know there is a difference between knowing something and actually really KNOWING it…like they say if we really knew and believed that we all will die, would we be living our lives the way we do…not sure if what I am saying makes any sense). So it was very interesting and enlightening to hear your views on this. I can agree with a lot of things you said like how the fear for the world and our planet ..I share that worry with you. I feel how things are going, it is such a disservice that the people and generations coming after us might end up struggling for the same things we take for granted, the signs of which are showing for a long time. And even though we know that things can be fixed, we are not yet at “too late” but we end up putting our efforts into things that won’t ultimately matter, by that time we would probably lose the things that really do. But then the worries and stress and competition of this world, the trauma that everyone gives everyone else is already skewing the reality in our head that I feel that we have somehow lost the ability to make sound judgements anyway. It is all such a mess. One can just hope that people realize the things that matter to them sooner than later so they can actually give their time and care to the things and people and values that they actually want to live for.

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