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Tag Archives: assurance

“Last Dream” – Nayana Nair

Last night
I wanted to dream of you
but I couldn’t.
The picture of you
that I had in my mind
was that of the smile
that was never yours,
just a front for the photographs
that you never wanted to be taken.

***

And all I could remember about you was
how you would move noiselessly
through my home, my mind and my memories
with a care that I didn’t have.
How your silent nods
were my greatest assurance.
How your hands were my gloves.
How you enveloped me with your presence
and burned till I forgot the freezing world.
How for a short period of my life
I was glad to be myself,
that I was the one you loved.
I wanted that lost time to be my dream,
to find you in that dream
and to tell you that you are precious to me.
So that the smiles on your photographs become real.
So that I become the reason of your beautiful smiles.

“The Cold Returns” – Nayana

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The steps I walk
and the fate I follow
all run into faces that somehow
already know all the reason to despise me.
Why is it that walking in these shadows
calms my heart and brings it pain
at the same time.
Is this how life is to be lived?
I myself this all the time.
For if not for my own voice,
there won’t be any answers returning to me
from this world that seems more far away
when I look for answers,
than when I look for places hide.

But I look at the moon today with a new eyes.
I find I am no longer alone,
when you look back everytime you leave.
I find I am no longer alone,
when left to myself, I have someone else to think of.
I no longer need assurances and promises
from this life, if only you walk this earth
with a smile and a lighter heart.
The cold returns to my heart again,
freezing your memories forever in me,
and I smile.
I am no longer alone,
nor are you.

“Lead me to the same place” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

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The laments shimmer in the borrowed beauty
of words someone else made.
The pattern my words dance in
were laid out by someone else.
They lead me to the same place
where they have led the people before me-
not to change or relief.
I don’t think anyone whose steps I am following
was looking for that either.
But only for a way to look at pain
and see the beauty of the heart that endures it.
Not to find answers or reasons,
but the assurance that life can be lived
even without that.

“A Rare Love” – Nayana Nair

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Today, I was reminded of
a fading memory
of a rather idle summer afternoon,
of me sitting on floor
in the living room
with people who loved me
and people whom I loved.
Between whom, ‘love’ word was never spoken aloud;
for whom ‘love’ was not to be taken lightly.
The rare love that didn’t demand commitment,
promises and responsibility.

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The lightness of that afternoon,
the lightness of that love,
when we saw the same movie for nth time
laughed on same repeated jokes,
(the jokes I don’t remember),
that lightness was enough to keep us
from growing old for a long long time;
enough to assure us
that we have someone who cares.
And though we feared we would loose what we have,
today is a day much similar to that
and we are still the same.
That makes me smile.

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