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“Lookout” – Nayana Nair

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The clouds that promised
the dripping rain, the desparate run
to avoid being drenched, water clogged roads
and dripping roofs of buses and houses
-in spite of all their promises,
all it could do
was remind me of places that they will pour on,
the places I don’t live in.
And how I will wish for all the inconvenience
that I wish would befall me
rather than this life of looking out of windows,
rather than the constant lookout for a reason, a trouble
that could validate,
that can serve excuse
of my breaking heart
and my everyday sadness that refuses to blend
and hide in the background of routine.

“Out all night”- Nayana Nair

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Every night
I saw that girl
who roamed the dark streets
with eyes filled with smoke
and feet swaying with confusion and power.
With clothes that reminded me of night sky.
She was out all night
to paint the world
in the color
of her black beautiful broken heart.
The many masks of her
hung by her wrist.
They smile, sneer and look down
at the faceless shadows
that are bound to disappear.
And though it always puzzled me
how she could smile,
after breaking so many people.
I finally understood
how it could be so hollow
and so fulfilling at same time.
I finally understood all this
the morning when I woke up as her.

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“Small, small doubts”- Nayana Nair

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It kills me

to keep guessing which one of us

realizes first, our folly

of being too proud of our love and its power.

While hundreds of such love cease to exist each moment.

Hundreds of hearts broken.

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And those people who no longer love,

who no longer want to love

Did they, like us, believe

in the invincibility of their desires and devotion.

and misjudged the amount of sacrifices a person can make.

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Will we become like them, dear?

How many years can we spend together

before reality of life breaks us apart?

It kills me not to know the nature

of this beast, of this love

that has taken refuge in my heart.

Does the end of love begin

with these small, small doubts that I am holding?

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See for yourself- my heart,

how it bleeds.

And yet it tells me not to worry.

Tells me that I am coward.

That I am looking for excuses.

That people have loved without guarantees.

You can too.

heart

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