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“What I Remember (22)” – Nayana Nair

Was it 5 years ago, or 6
that we all sat together
looking at the bright beginning
of another series of setbacks
that we were becoming.
The coldness of the wood,
the ruffle of papers, the moment before
we learned to truly hate ourselves.

I miss that.

As we stood waiting in line
for something to take away
everything we were just beginning to see,
I remember thinking,
“I wish I could spend my youth here.
In this moment, with these people.
I am nothing to them, they are nothing to me.
But we are good for each other.
This can never be made again.”
At that moment I knew
they will make my heart ache
for a long time.

In the years that followed
I saw them,
the people who carried the faces
of the ones
I liked enough not to love.
“What’s wrong?” I wanted to ask them
but all I could do was smile
and let my smile tell them
“I will see you for what you were.
At least that I can do for you.
The beauty of your innocence and hope
I will remember it forever.”

1st semester over :)

Hi…….

its been so long..i wrote anything on this blog……hmm…kind of miss the feeling…when I had something to write almost everyday……

so why the hell did i give up……(1)kind of ran out of ideas…….(2) ran out of time….(3) well…sometime i get in this self destructive mode…where i think of deleting this blog forever….anyway…no one’s reading it :)….anyway…the thought of deleting this blog is on hold..right now

Yesterday only…my 1st semester ended…woooow…..kind of feeling great only…..cause…while joining btech..i din’t even think i’d make it though even one semester….so very happy for myself…and also proud about me….that i made it through…well that’s another fact that whether i made it or not would depend on my end sem result..which are not out now….but still i know i wrote enough to pass 🙂

Recently….been very busy..i.e. from the day i joined college

lots of assignment…..updating my class work…which was like climbing an everest..cause its never complete…making trips to and back from my college…which is kind of far…..and studying for exams….

even if there was some rare day we’d be having free time (which was infact RARE)…we’d rather spend it sleeping…cause believe me…sleep was the only thing we yearned for……i get 2 min on bus …and i’d doze off….so that’s the kind of exhausted and busy I’ve been..

I look at the clutter in my mail….all sorts of messages….of the sites i once joined and never found time to visit them again…..and after all these months…of tireless study….i decided i should at least mail…my “once-upon-a-time” email pen pals…whose mails used to clutter my email…oh my god 😦 i miss those times…..

I miss those times when i had so much free time i could spend..hours writing letters to my pen pals…writing poems…..writing my weird novel….texting friends all the time…and here i’m now…forgetting people’s birthday…..i kind of feel pathetic…for all the shortage of time….

so afterall..things said and done

i’m too happy and proud for making through my first sem, meeting new people, my wonderful classmates, my awesome friends, amazing teachers

and sad that many people were left behind..many things forgotten…i no longer have time to do what i loved most…..no more quality time with sis….can no longer help her.when she needs my help most….

some things gained and some things lost

but the loss is more much more than i gained….but i guess that’s what life is about…you cannot travel the path you chose..if you want to stick around with people….cause at end even they’ll have to make a choice of following their own paths…….

 

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