#the feelings that I can’t own
The nature of regrets that I have in my heart, the flowers that grow at the end of this knife, the watches that have run out of battery but pretend to have stopped time. I have so much space in me for things like these. I have so many curiosities that I can put up a shop with no intention to sell.
I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
- "Heavy", Linkin Park
Distant lies - shallow dreams, confused ideas
Once our hopes - now they anchor all our fears
Just by being next to you
I was happy
Don’t take even that truth
And make it into a bad memory
-"Last Goodbye", Akdong Musician
I have sketches of you, a face for every day that you have shared with me. I wonder if you would walk into this shop with another beloved of yours. Would she buy them all? Would you let me sell it to her?
I loved you a lot
Even if you say otherwise
I didn’t want things to end this easily
-"Go Away", Yong Jun Hyung
But the thing that we all learned at some point was how
To step on someone, to catch them, to erase them, to hate them
This is not a post-you fear and post-abandonment feelings. I think I have felt that with you all along. Something about us, the way everything about us was a secret of sorts – you only told stories that I could never repeat.
And I cried for you
Like a widow cries at her lover’s grave
You haunted me through my stinging nights
And aching days
- "Divers & Submarines", Passenger
I knew this all along.
I knew all your lacks, and I knew how you would give up on me rather than give up on all parts of you that stand between us.
I knew it, but I wanted to be wrong, just this once.
Well I clung to you
Like cat hair clings to a woollen shirt
You needed me, like a wedding dress needs dirt
-"Divers & Submarines", Passenger
I bet you know just what you're doing
You're not the type that's used to losing
First, you build me up, then with just a touch
Leave me here in ruins
-"Dazed and Confused", Ruel
I hid from you all the parts of me, that could suffocate you – my love, my possessiveness, my confusion, my fear, my irrational suspicions created by most rational observations, my objections, my complaints, my hurt.
We wanna be right
But always wrong
Were we born to be wrong?
Is life something like that?
We tryna be bright
But always dark
We still don’t know if we’ve lived to the extent that we can
But now, when I no longer have the obligation to hide anymore.
I end up lying, trying to protect you from the harsh words of this world, making everyone believe that you were lovable even when you were not. It would break my remaining heart for you to be hated, even when you deserve to be hated.
What happens if I open my eyes, my eyes?
Will I ever get my head right, head right?
-"Dazed and Confused", Ruel
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
-"Heavy", Linkin Park
Until the time that we die perfectly we can’t protect everything