“But maybe because it is you, you won’t laugh if I told you” – Nayana Nair

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Of all that I miss,
out of every

“I had it when I didn’t need it,
when I wasn’t ready to face my own needing, cause
my feelings for the delicate and genuine seemed hateful to me”,

out of everything that I tried not to know,
you are the one most precious to me.
Mostly it is because I didn’t really look at you
so I have only these regrets
to measure what you were.

And my regrets grow heavier
with every encounter I have with this world
that is filled with people like me.
My regrets grow heavier
even though I was so well suited, so ready
to live and thrive in this real world, where you were destined
to fail and wither and lose all that false light your prized.

My regrets grow heavier,
the more I realize how much this world needs
you and your friends,
with your false beautiful ideals sewed on your skins.
You would laugh if I told you
about the people I meet everyday,
people like me who can’t come in terms
with the world they have chosen.
I face their expecting eyes,
I feel their hands searching in me
for a glimpse of the world they have burnt.
But maybe because it is you, you won’t laugh at it.
Maybe you’d cry, cry in our stead,
cry for all that we cannot cry for.

When they search for miracles in me
I feel like a house with hidden doors and floors
with bodies holding goodness lying breathless within.
I fear when they find you behind every door-
a miracle with your face, an end with your smile-
then even these regrets won’t be mine.

So I try to be of use to them
all the time hoping
that they find the face of kindness only they know of,
only they miss, the one only they want back.
So that at least our mad hopes, will remain our own till the end.
So that we gain nothing but remember everything
and that remembering makes our hands, our hearts soft and breakable
and beautiful like yours, like everyone else like you
who did a world a favor by just existing.

“THE FORGOTTEN FACES”- Nayana Nair

(Image taken from albeelucky.blogspot.com)

Sitting on the platform, waiting for my train,

I look at the unknown faces in vain,

Trying to find that person, that face,,

That gifted me smiles and was reason for my pain.

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Those faces that I can’t recall,

It’s a fogged memory a distant call,

As if from another life, another age,

Too surreal to be reality at all.

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Running in the dark, I was chasing a light,

Not knowing the way amidst the trees of great height,

I collided with someone, and fell on the ground,

The light was gone but there were couple of faces in sight.

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It felt that I’ve known them for years,

Their laughter, their talk, was so sweet to hear,

But a part of me feared the unknown,

I ran away from them, although I wanted them to be near.

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That moment of indecision is all I regret,

As the time passes, their faces I forget,

Now I’m left with only a painful emptiness,

I may have changed the past, if a second chance I could get.

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Looking forward to meet them at another place,

Asking the God to fulfill my wish and brighten my days,

As for now, another encounter I pray,

As I search for that forgotten face.

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