“Flower” – Nayana Nair

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I pluck one leaf at a time
from this flower, this script
my life is.
I throw them from bridges
on cold evenings.
I bury them in the soil
that soils their print with time.
I burn them to ashes,
so they won’t smell the same.
I hang them on trees
that will never bear fruits.
To leave this story of mine
everywhere and nowhere.
So that you may find it.
So that you may not find it.
But
I wear the last page, last leaf
with only one word, you name, written,
on my finger
as substitute for you hands
that I can no longer hold.

“How many more lines” – Nayana Nair

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How many more lines should I write
for you to actually see
the happiness that creates ripples
under my skin at your smile.
The sadness that leaves marks
on my wrist,
on my neck,
at the end of everyday.
And the comfort of your presence
in whose warmth
my ever-flowing tears
find fingertips
that can hold and embrace them.
I carry a love in my heart
that can be accepted and
reciprocated by you,
but never understood.

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“What you’ve hidden” – Nayana Nair

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In the books
that you’ve hidden
at the bottom of boxes
that no one looks through.
In the words that
have not seen the light of your eyes
for a time, long enough to be called forever.
In those books and words,
I know I will find a part of you
that was once not affected by world,
the part that embarasses you most,
the part that is most beautiful,
the part I want to love.

“These days” – Nayana Nair

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These days
I want to stay away from people,
who I once called friends,
(I think they never called me that)
and I have doubts on what I feel.

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These days
I am suffering from an unexplained aversion
to human relation and condition.
My efforts are spent
in avoiding people and small talks.

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These days,
I spend my days
thinking, “What is wrong with me?’,
knowing that these feeling are weird
and still not finding something wrong
where there should be soomething wrong.
In the brief moments when I am reminded
of once dear faces,
I feel an ache,
a feeling that I have been let down,
I have been betrayed by everyone,
I have been wronged.

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These days,
I am no longer myself.
I am somewhere where
I have lost sense of myself and others.
Even though you miss me,
even though you love me,
please don’t try to bring me back.

“Pocket” – Nayana Nair

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There are pockets in my shirt
where I occasionally find
some money I forgot to spend,
some scribbled paper
which seemed important
but was not.
I find ghost of your hands,
your fingerprints,
that I forgot to wash away.

“Cover your eyes” – Nayana Nair

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Cover your eyes
with heartfelt goodbyes,
as they drift into a world
away from your cries.

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Doubt not.
Their love was true.
They forgave you for crimes
not known to you.

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But a heart is a heart
and it tires out someday
and it hurts them to leave
though they might not say.

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So when they leave you
with heart full of guilt
and eyes full of your last glimpse.
Do not let them hear
your requests to stay.
Do not let them see
the helplessness in your eyes.

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Cover your eyes
with heartfelt goodbyes,
with cheerful laughter
and hope that they find
whatever they are after.

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“CLAIM”- Nayana Nair

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As her gaze was fixed somewhere

I can never be.

And her cruel words made

every sweet memory bitter.

Her words full of hatred for me,

but her action full of love.

As her smile never reached her eyes

and her heartbeat I could never find.

I looked at her

trying to find the one who loved me once

only to find someone chained to me by fate.

Who claims to love me

but never does.

I am her mirror,

always was.

Her love fed my love

and her anger fueled mine.

I shrink back to my own shattered shell

away from her accusing eyes,

away from her cold touch.

Not for revenge,

but to hurt myself before she could.

Maybe one day she would look at me

And try to find the one who loved her once

but end up with what I feel now.

Claim over someone, but not their love.