“make me a flower” – Nayana Nair

It snowed all night.
All night I created stars for your eyes.
I bore the weight of the roof
as you slept, cried, ate,
smiled, memorized dial tones,
stared at me like you stare at screens with static,
paused expectantly as you told me the story
about your friend who is filled to brim with sugar
and seems bit odd
when he tries to smile a little bit more always,
filled me with a momentary fear of
whether you saw the corners of my lips tearing up everyday.

I felt again the illusion of love breaking,
its crack trying to find my spine.
Again you ran to me, trying to hold me,
trying to look over all the parts of me
that you don’t understand.

I slept and felt the snow of years settling on me.
I felt your wings fluttering around in my head.
I held the hands of god in my tiny fingers and said with a smile,
“make me a flower, if you can”
“make me something that is beautiful in her eyes”
“give me another sorrow, something simple,
something that can be understood and loved by her”
“let me look at her, without feeling the breaking in my heart”.

“Possible” – Nayana Nair

My heart feels like a sheet of ice.

With restless birds of pain

trapped forever,

fluttering around.

Making the world look dark.

Imitating my cries.

But as you pass by me,

your shadow on my heart

feels beautiful and painful.

Your shadow

looks like a barren tree,

where my pain can sit and chirp.

Though the ice doesn’t melt.

Though the pain remains.

But you also exist.

My rest, my sanity-

possible only by your existence.