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“Trace” – Nayana Nair

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I will trace your tears
through the meteor shower,
through the footsteps that you followed,
through the hands that you held,
through the hearts that you broke,
through the marks on your skin,
through the lost and found columns,
through the moist flower placed in you books,
through that crossed out name, on every page.
I will trace your tears
that will lead back to me.
and say what needs to be said.
An apology.
An apology that you never got.
An apology that you deserved.

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“Name a few” – Nayana Nair

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Your hands were tired
of holding me together,
holding me to ground,
keeping me safe from myself
and my fate.
And when you were no longer there
I could go anywhere in the world,
live different lives,
and see the world anew.
Wait for the death
of my sorrow.
Or kill myself with what I am.
All this I have found
at the cost of
losing earth, me, and you,
to name a few.

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“Adjective”- Nayana Nair

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He may have thought
that I looked self-obsessed,
which I am.
She may have thought
that I am bitter with life,
which is true.
My friend once thought I am cold.
Now she believes I am kind.
She was wrong then.
She is wrong now.
For all the adjective that they
they found to replace me
were either misleading
or unnecessary.
None of those words were me.
But they don’t know how to define me,
categorize me,
love me
without those words.

“Must feel the same” – Nayana Nair

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All sorrows don’t have the same weight.
And sometime its weight
is not related to the reason of the sorrow,
but on the person who endures it.
And there is always something worse
that could happen in everyone’s life.
Our sufferings may not be equal.
Our tears may not be of same hue.
But
a heart that hurts
must feel the same.
A mind that’s lost,
the whispers of blame
must feel the same.

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When you don’t belong to earth
and the sky doesn’t want you
and you know not where to go.
Come to me.
I will hear you.
I will hear all you worries
that seem too childish to be spoken out.
I will hear the sound
of your deep breaths in the music of your sobs.
I will let you live your grief.
Grief to have lost.
Grief to have found .
Grief to simply exist.
Whatever it may be
and you don’t have to explain why it hurts.

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“Every time”- Nayana Nair

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Every time I left a place,
running late to catch my train,
with so much luggage
which made me wonder
do I really own so much
and wondered why
I thought I had nothing
or maybe someone always had
something more than me.
Every time I left
it was with so much haste
and panic,
always afraid of leaving something behind.
There were so many places like this
which I found and left,
with so much ease,
with no emotions to account for.
The only thing I remember is
how it rained,
every time I left.

“CURSE”-Nayana Nair

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To wander free

And still be held captive in your life, in your fears.

To giggle and smile

While you drown in your own tears.

To deny all help with a ‘no’

while inside you cry out for ‘yes’.

To be lost to yourself

But still hoping to be found.

To be doing one thing

And being another.

To be split in two

And still be one.

To be torn apart between

the should and want.

To love-not wholly

To be loved-not enough

A love-never complete.

To be your own greatest enemy

And your sole best friend.

Running from yourself

Is no escape.

For this curse which you dread

Is the darkness which you’re drawn to.

The curse of being afraid to die

And yet afraid to live.

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