“VOICES”- Nayana Nair

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And for the times I’ve hurt you,

and have made you feel small,

and when life was a mess and

about us you weren’t sure at all.

Don’t take my words to heart,

as for me there can never be a new start,

past haunts me and destroys my present,

its like voices only I hear,

that make me appear insane,

I live with these voices,

that speak of uncertainty,

and sing tales of broken trust,

and lulls a song of doubt in me,

and fill my life with fear.

They cloud my judgement ,

alter my view.

makes me behave the way I do.

I want to make them stop,

but I don’t know how,

And if they’ll live with me till I die,

and if I’ll hurt my loved ones till that day,

why wait so long when that day can be today.

And what pains more is,

its me who’s hurting you,

and I can do nothing about it.

I would have left these voice behind,

only if the would let go of me.

They whisper day and night,

of long ago betrayals ,

and how it’ll happen again.

They tell me , everyone can hurt me,

and they’ll do so given a chance.

They tell me that I’m not worthy of any love,

and should be beware of those,

who promise me the same.

For those will be the one’s who’ll make me laugh,

and make me feel good and special,

and one day out of blue, they’ll change,

and leave me abandoned with few more voices and unhealed scars.

And they tell me that to be indifferent,

lonely and cold-hearted is what I must do,

and never should I gift my trust to another,

for it’ll be a gift thrown away after being misused.

And what hurts me is that,

my fears are gifting you too some scar.

And spreading that same fear in your heart,

and same voices will haunt you like me,

and your scars will remind of the bad person I was.

My fears, my voices will then yours too,

and to protect myself from the illusion of threat,

that the voices create, I fear I’ll hurt you too.

and we’ll both be then broken souls,

who’ll have someone else to blame.

And that I’ll be reason of the pain you’ll suffer,

and you’ll never be able to trust someone again,

That in return of you love,

all I can give, is these voices and these fears,

as its all that I have and is all that I am,

its all I can be and all that I’m left with.

But I too selfish to let go of you,

for you’re the cure to these voices,

and your love, your look and your embrace,

make me feel that all pain is bearable,

And I feel in those few moments with you,

there’s hope, there’s love and there is still a chance left.

A chance to see this world for what it is ,

through your eyes, for once I’ll be what I could have been.

“PARALLEL WORLDS”- Nayana Nair

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Pretty little faces, with smile reaching their eyes,

the cold hearted  ones, who ignore others cries,

the ignorant group of people, always truth they deny,

those who chose to live in fantasy, and in dreams chose to fly.

Who is here so right,

to declare others wrong?

Whoever wins the fight

is he only strong?

The world exits in parallels,

but we chose to see only one.

We are blinded by our self imposed shell,

when all is said and done.

A stranger more dear,

than your dearest friend.

An unexpected person who

holds your hand till the end.

The judge of others character,

himself failed by his judgement.

life is infact too long,

to have a hated enemy or to have a dearest friend.

Cause the hands that once held you,

may no longer be yours to hold.

The warmest smiling faces

will one day, turn cold.

“A stage for sadness”- Nayana Nair

So….its been a while since I started visiting the site – sothere.com….quite frequently, I must say. Why? I don’t know for sure.

I came to know about the site through stumbleupon.com ……I did visit it 2-3 three times..when I found it…and even though of writing some letters of my own to send to them…but I didn’t…Why? Well, I’m not the sort of person who feels alright to put their feelings and experience into a paper and make a complete drama about it…with a little or a lot of exxageration….blaming everyone…regretting my choices…sorry..that’s not just me. Even if I write something like that I’d tear it up/ erase it the next second. Why? (I ask myself lots of question :)) Well..its a comforting thought to share your pain..or rather get the pain out of your heart onto a paper….rather that keeping everything to yourself….(I’ve heard so) But its only because I don’t trust people…Everything I say..can be used against me in future….I have to take caution at every step…partially due to my suspicious nature and partially due to my attitude…

There are people who are mean, sadistic,who’ll do anything to protect themselves even if it means to hurt others…..and they stop at nothing..the dark part of human nature is more darker than the darkest shade of black color I’ve got in my crayon set. (But at the same time brightness white can’t do justice to represent their goodness, kindness and benevolence. The angel and the devil are the same person)

I read somewhere:

“In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.”

But people do exactly opposite. They drag in every incident in past , just to prove their point. They’ll use everything, you tell them, against you. It happens . I don’t blame such people..they are humans after all…they’ll protect themselves from any danger…even if the danger is imaginary one. Even if the danger they perceived was from their most beloved person. The person they once held closest to their heart.

But my point was…I actually went back to visit this site on a regular basis..just because I wanted to get some ideas for the story I’m writing currently…..so…as soon as you visit sites like sothere.com ……you’ll see these letters….written by thousands of people..letter filled with sorrow…some with happiness..others with gratitude….But a majority of them are all about “how sad I’m”, “whose fault was that?”, “it could have ended better if you didn’t hurt me”,”we’re such good friends until you messed it all up”…and many other things.

Well I hate to say this..but…..its feels good to read them…I don’t support creating a drama out of your sorrow….everyone suffers once in a while..and I used to think there’s no need to make such a fuss about it…but….now I think its better to make a fuss..tell everyone you are so sad, you feel so lonely…you’ve lost someone, you have lost someone’s love and trust…and you do have the right to moan and cry…and somewhere around the world , someone will read you words and feel comforted..that I’m not the only one…and at that time you’ll feel a deep connection with that person, you’ll be sorry for them……..your own pain will look bearable knowing someone else also had to go through it..and still made it out of the “sorrow land”….you’ll feel sympathy for a person you may never meet, you’ve never seen, whom you’ve never talked with, someone whose name you’ll never now….but these things won’t matter…because you may never ever able to feel that kind of connection with your family, your childhood friends, the people you meet everyday…..

As I said…we all suffer…more or less…..that’s what’s supposed to happen, that’s normal, that’s the way this world is supposed to work…but it would be less painful if you stop this dissection of your past…to judge whose fault was it all…who should be blamed…who suffered more….STOP THAT….everyone suffers..but won’t it be constructive to try to make things right,  to let yourself rest for a while…give yourself the happiness you deserve..you get a minute to spare and you drown yourself into everything bad that’s happened to you…when you make a mistake only remember the lesson it taught you…its a waste to remember everything else….and to tag people as villain and hero….rather…get yourself an ice cream…go for a walk …and if you have lots of time to spare…write a letter to sothere.com…maybe I’ll come across it and feel that connection with you..you who is reading this right now…

“I Knew A Man By Sight”-Henry David Thoreau

I knew a man by sight,
A blameless wight,
Who, for a year or more,
Had daily passed my door,
Yet converse none had had with him.

I met him in a lane,
Him and his cane,
About three miles from home,
Where I had chanced to roam,
And volumes stared at him, and he at me.

In a more distant place
I glimpsed his face,
And bowed instinctively;
Starting he bowed to me,
Bowed simultaneously, and passed along.

Next, in a foreign land
I grasped his hand,
And had a social chat,
About this thing and that,
As I had known him well a thousand years.

Late in a wilderness
I shared his mess,
For he had hardships seen,
And I a wanderer been;
He was my bosom friend, and I was his.

And as, methinks, shall all,
Both great and small,
That ever lived on earth,
Early or late their birth,
Stranger and foe, one day each other know.

“The Arrow and the Song”-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.