“but love…” – Nayana Nair

but love
the i cannot see you
without this night,
for you are not my sun
but only it’s reminder.

but love
i can be the person you love
only as long as you love be back,
as long as my heart wants to forget the past
and the owner of my heart.

but love
in your glory
i always fall short.
i yearn to love someone like me,
someone who plans the escape route
while uttering the words
of half-hearted embellished confession.

but love
i don’t want to be healed
my scars are my name
that i fear to lose
as much as i fear losing you

but love
as much as you want me
you should learn to hate me more
your benefit of doubt is wasted on me
as is your love.

but love
i have so many reasons
and so many feelings
that are at war with each other-
a war that i wish you’d win somehow.

but love
i do love you
in some conditional yet selfless way,
there is a sincerity in my love-
a sincerity that won’t do your heart any good.

“SEARCH”- Nayana Nair

alone-beautiful-fashion-flowers-forest-Favim.com-354455

Day and night she felt it

that emptiness that lived within her

which engulfed her life

and enveloped her being

it had its own throbbing heart

and a hunger to be fulfilled

its throbbing each minute

reminded her of futility of life

whatever she may do

wherever she may go

only this emptiness she knew

only this emptiness she had

she fed it all her life

with some lines of songs,

with some words by the wise,

with music and art,

with food, with achievements,

with friends, fame and false love,

with the meaningful and the meaningless

but it stayed, it throbbed

with hunger unsatisfied

and one day someone came in

with a smile and a helping hand

with faith and with love,

and suddenly the throbbing stopped

it was not now within, but without

the throbbing she searched

and found it within his heart

and he found his within hers.