RSS Feed

Tag Archives: happy

“New Fact” – Nayana Nair

539da2886a0dd4e65cec3ed0555e394bac6d70e1_hq

All that you don’t know of,
all that I fear
stands behind the door,
waiting for the right time to ring the bell,
to call you out for a moment
so that it can tell you about
the mistake that has been made.
“All-that-you-do-not-know-of-yet”
has brought you someone with deeper love and better heart
and shows her off as they new discovery, the new fact,
discusses with you how to go on about correcting
all the text, all the promises, and all the future plans.
I look at her, looking at you
and I see what I must have looked like
when once I found your door
and was happy to find my rightful place.
While you nod your head along
thinking, considering
how to tell me that I need to get going
that there is not much space for misunderstandings
and no time for crying over what must be done.
Yesterday, I loved you.
Yesterday, you loved me back.
Today, my depth are the new shallow.
Today, you can only give me as much attention as
a passing cloud in the sky.

“The Better That We Want”- Nayana Nair

ammar-rizwan-471865-1080x720

Once we are done with the ritual of tea,
as I leave the room with his cup and mine,
I leave behind my shadow with him.
That is his favorite part of his evening
and he is all too happy to talk to a quieter me.
He feels my shadow is somehow better than me.
He finds it more understanding
and more similar to the feminine company
he always wanted in his life.
Someone who knows how to listen,
and who knows when not to think.
Someone who would look up to his words
with the certainty of truth
and would be the first one to realize his specialness.
I can understand where he comes from,
it is tiring to impress everyone all the time
fearing when we will falter, when we will fall in their eyes.
I can understand, even when I don’t want to,
for even I have wished for the same things
that only an imbalance of power or naivety of a lover
can give me.

“Thorn” – Nayana Nair

tumblr_nv5nc3L6KA1qfm2kmo1_500

You are a thorn in my heart
that only hurts, that only digs deeper
when in rare moments
I find my way to doors in my life
that can’t be opened now
and I stand helplessly in front of you
whom I no longer love.
When you utter the same words
but they sound different
and I realize that I have never been around
to notice this change.
We may walk in a present
disconnected from our feelings in past.
We are nothing to each other now.
Your sorrows are no longer due to my mistakes
and I feel nothing but relief for that.
But sometimes,
only sometimes
an unfulfilled dream breathes in me
refusing to die,
for it is happy to have you around.

“Adjust to Red” – Nayana Nair

4444ae4164f50114a3131f40566f2a3b--aesthetics-nerve-aesthetic

It was gruesome
because everyone kept walking,
thinking they can move on and grow up,
only if they stepped over
whatever was left of themselves
to become friends with the faces
that are still drunk and happy
with the taste of their weakness.
It was scary
because it was normal
to be cruel,
not only in hatred, but also in love.
It was unbearable,
till it was not.
Till my eyes adjusted to the red,
till my hand became familiar
with touching all that is dying
or touching only to kill.
Till I learnt to close my eyes
to everthing
I knew
I couldn’t save.

“Hiding” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

images

The noise of the crumpled tissues walked upon
fills me up again.
Without the colors of reasons or pain
that once made it unbearable,
I envy that me who could be so passionately
sad for the someone else
or even for myself.
Now the the rivers of concern run beneath the surface of my heart
almost lost, in hiding.
(Or am I the one in hiding.)

And now I can finally be almost happy in life.

“Count the Roads” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

140619010338-07-immigration-bus-station-custom-1

I didn’t see her pack her bag
but I knew it was definitely hers,
from the way she could drag it with such an ease.
The same ease with which
she dragged most things in her life.
Her face twisted and moved
till it found that smile
that said, “Ignore me, I’m happy”.
As she hailed her taxi,
I tried to count the days it would take
for me to give up too.
I counted the roads that must pass
before we do not have to think
about the depleting years in our hand
and lonely dreams in our diminishing vision.

Day 2 – Quote Challenge

Posted on

bedsadwomangirllonelyrings-108db1901c93edf24d2b417e30a45e89_h

“I guess my life hasn’t always been happy, or easy, or exactly what I want. At a certain point, I just have to try not to think too much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.”
― Jonathan Franzen

This is a thought I can relate with but not know why. I am not entirely sure whether the interests that I have actually catch my attention, or I am trying to pile up more things to distract me from looking at things that might upset me. It is not that I try to avoid problems. I do face the problems in my life (most of them), take them up as challenge, try to find solution. But I do all this with an attitude of an onlooker. I do not engage myself emotionally in that, even if (especially when) it is about my own life. But one thing I know about myself is that I take everything personally, I am anxious about all small things, so sometimes even I am amazed at how coolly and with a disturbing nonchalance I handle the bigger issues of my life. I might be going through a really hard time, and would be enjoying everything as I normally do, I keep myself so busy with things (sometimes with ridiculously irrelevant things ) that I do not have to think about how I feel about all this. I do not want to see how I am affected by it, for I know every small thing affects me in ways no one would understand. But knowing that and facing that are two different things. I do not want to ask myself questions that I do not have answers to, whose answers even if I know will be more difficult for me to handle. I do confront my feelings and act them out, only when I am pushed to. That’s when I loose my cool. When I do loose my cool, when I get into why rather than what, I turn into this hysterical person that I don’t want to be.

And here is why this confuses me more, one of the reason that I write is so that I can see all these feelings without having to claim them as mine. I can write about feelings of a character and somewhere in his pain flows my pain, so much that they become inseparable. It is not about me, but it is still about me.

But I do not try to change myself, I believe the way I behave and deal with things are the best possible way to deal with this life of mine. Something that works for me, even if at times it is ridiculous.

And this is exactly what I think about myself:

“He couldn’t figure out if she was immensely well adjusted or seriously messed up.”
― Jonathan Franzen

Marvellous pages

Book reviews & much more. 😊Read & make connections with those marvellous pages

abbyinhallyuland

I celebrate beautiful Korean dramas.

Clear And Refreshing

Pop, indie and underground music in Japan

My Life Lived Full

If you aren't living on the edge, you're taking up too much space

joeyfullystated

Narrative of a Neurotic & Other Random Nonsense

Random Writings on the Bathroom Wall

This is all about my amazingly mundane south metro urbanite life cuz I like having fun as long as the Police aren't somehow involved.

TASHNEE .V.MAVEE

PERSONAL STYLE, FASHION BLOGGER AND LIFE EXPERIENCES

Susanne Haun

Kunst im Bereich Zeichnung und Malerei von Susanne Haun - Art special rawing and painting of Susanne Haun

Havoc and Consequence

(overcome your fears)

paeansunpluggedblog

songs unheard by the poet next door

lynz real cooking

lynz real life

A Reading Writer

I write because I read. I read because I write.

DoodleScribbles

Scribblings and scrawls of a hopeless romantic soul

From the Perimeter . . .

Thoughts & Poetry for all people Copyright 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 all content.

Björn Rudbergs writings

Poetry and fiction by a physicist from the dark side

Dragon's Lair

Poetry and Fire

hbhatnagar

Not-so-random thoughts

Just moon148

notonehundredfortyeightmoons.wordpress.com

In My Melody

Translated Chinese Pop Music