RSS Feed

Tag Archives: heart

“Missing and wanting what lies forgotten” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

tumblr_mjhdyoaIWV1qinvybo1_500

For long I have lived
avoiding a lot in life.
The sting of disappointment.
The pointless chatter that becomes
noise, laughter,
a habit. A lovely company.
The colors that didn’t suit me,
colors that I loved just the same.

But now I miss the life in my heart
and the pain that made skies and stars more bright,
that made earth more warm, and love more necessary.

Now I want to dream of happiness again.

Advertisements

“My Time” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

Pretty-Desktop-Backgrounds-Tumblr

With you my time
doesn’t go forward, doesn’t go back,
doesn’t stop, doesn’t pass.
My time, like yours,
turns around on itself,
again and again,
till it becomes
layers of repeated confessions
warming our hearts.

Day 2 – Quote Challenge

Posted on

bedsadwomangirllonelyrings-108db1901c93edf24d2b417e30a45e89_h

“I guess my life hasn’t always been happy, or easy, or exactly what I want. At a certain point, I just have to try not to think too much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.”
― Jonathan Franzen

This is a thought I can relate with but not know why. I am not entirely sure whether the interests that I have actually catch my attention, or I am trying to pile up more things to distract me from looking at things that might upset me. It is not that I try to avoid problems. I do face the problems in my life (most of them), take them up as challenge, try to find solution. But I do all this with an attitude of an onlooker. I do not engage myself emotionally in that, even if (especially when) it is about my own life. But one thing I know about myself is that I take everything personally, I am anxious about all small things, so sometimes even I am amazed at how coolly and with a disturbing nonchalance I handle the bigger issues of my life. I might be going through a really hard time, and would be enjoying everything as I normally do, I keep myself so busy with things (sometimes with ridiculously irrelevant things ) that I do not have to think about how I feel about all this. I do not want to see how I am affected by it, for I know every small thing affects me in ways no one would understand. But knowing that and facing that are two different things. I do not want to ask myself questions that I do not have answers to, whose answers even if I know will be more difficult for me to handle. I do confront my feelings and act them out, only when I am pushed to. That’s when I loose my cool. When I do loose my cool, when I get into why rather than what, I turn into this hysterical person that I don’t want to be.

And here is why this confuses me more, one of the reason that I write is so that I can see all these feelings without having to claim them as mine. I can write about feelings of a character and somewhere in his pain flows my pain, so much that they become inseparable. It is not about me, but it is still about me.

But I do not try to change myself, I believe the way I behave and deal with things are the best possible way to deal with this life of mine. Something that works for me, even if at times it is ridiculous.

And this is exactly what I think about myself:

“He couldn’t figure out if she was immensely well adjusted or seriously messed up.”
― Jonathan Franzen

“Switched On” – Nayana Nair

large

As the light and the life of the streets
are switched on,
I wait for your knock on my door,
my heart going on imaginative trips
to the hell of not knowing.
Not knowing
with whom you might fall in love,
where you might find another broken human to pet,
in what form will that person appear
who would hold your rain for a moment
while you fix your smile.
This interesting world scares me,
where everyone and everything is better than me.

“Too Much Love” – Nayana Nair

tumblr_inline_mn3xec68ml1qz4rgp

Lets go down together-
in the darkness that you dread so much,
towards the love that you want so much.
Let me hold the falling you,
let me become the warmth
that you never knew.
I have a bleeding heart
that knows too much of love
and doesn’t know when to give up.
The smile of yours
that has kept me alive till now,
I want to give it back to you.
I will find a way
to get you back on the path
that your feet deserve,
even if it leads you away from me.

“Can’t do this alone” – Nayana Nair

Posted on

tumblr_n6lx08K4co1ssg9jjo1_500

Hold me back
from loosing myself to the the slow pain
that reaches from within me
spiraling up to any light it can see.
Pushing me, climbing over me.
Not caring.
Needing not to care,
while my body moves
from one breaking world to other,
from one uncertain gaze to another.

As I read my own words aloud,
as I see myself trying to disown them,
to strip away my own image
that I must maintain
for others to be at peace.
I feel the need for the closed boxes of solitude
where I made my own seasons and delusions
where I rehearsed answers to questions no one ever asked.
I don’t want to go back to that place,
the only place my heart thinks of as home.
I can’t do this alone.
This life of yearning and restraining
myself from living my own life.

“Only She Knows” – Nayana Nair

tumblr_op18neUM7A1ud2pkwo8_500

She left the door ajar
and closed the curtains as she left,
like she did so many things
that I didn’t ask her to do.
Like so many things I didn’t notice.
Did I fear darkness of the room?
Did I fear drifting into sleep
no longer be sure
that this body would continue breathing?
I feared a lot.
I knew the names of imaginary insects
that crawled inside my mind.
But only she knew how to close my eyes
and close my heart
to the pain and paranoia
that only I could feel.
I woke up to curtains soaking the sunlight
and the sweet humming from next room.
And I didn’t want this humming
to go farther
than this.

Curious Hart

The Whys Woman

Hello World

Walk along with me

The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son)

I have Malignant Melanoma, my son had Testicular Cancer

The Contented Crafter

A blog containing random thoughts, bits of life, creations from my art room and tales of a cat named Orlando and a puppy named Siddy

restlessjo

Roaming, at home and abroad

Beauty lies within yourself

The only impossible journey in life is you never begin!! ~Tanvir Kaur

Detlef Gimbel - Fotografien

Faszination Fotografie

Movin' on

Meandering with camera...

Under a Cornish Sky

inspired by the colours of the land, sea and sky of Cornwall

gypsy life

Life is the journey, not the destination.

olddogsnewtruck

putting down roots in Maine

Jill Weatherholt

Writing Stories of Love, Faith and Happy Endings While Enjoying the Journey

thoughtslikecages

free thinking

.RattleTattle.

one click away, a hundred steps closer

Serendipity

Just my thoughts on anything and everything

Eveline Lenderink fotografie

op mijn werk rust copyright, wil je een foto gebruiken mail mij dan via de contactpagina

Something Over Tea

Scribbles from my notebook

Tuinsprokkels van Anna

Macrofotografie vanuit onze tuin.

Marjoleins foto's

landschappen, straatfotografie, planten, dieren en diversen