“On My Own” – Nayana Nair

Once the shade of the shutters
are rolled down,
once I am left on my own,
reason and explanation rush in,
try to cling and climb up
the cracks of my heart,
and the folds of my brain,
trying desperately to stop me
to reach out, to find me
in the fog of fear.

But I am already far ahead,
my hands reach for everything it could hold,
everything it could break
and hurl them at the window
till it broke,
till I could cry
for the things that were robbed from me.
I couldn’t stop.
I couldn’t stop hurting myself
even when I lay half-broken under dangling paper curtains,
even when all that I broke pierced my skin and hurt me back.
If I stopped, I would again hear the steps
that always walks over my world and reduces me to dust.

“Apples” – Nayana Nair

apple

As she hands me a slice of peeled apples,
I wonder how many people
she has fed.
How many felt the gratitude for it,
only for the time its taste
lasted on their tongue.
What it must feel like,
peeling apples for your daughter
while she is slowly peeling you away
from her life.
Unknowingly and ruthlessly,
looking for something
better out there.
While she hurls words like
“You won’t ever understand”.
But she must be used to it now
getting used to this hurt
is maybe the only way to survive love.