“I am afraid of the ones who still see hope in me” – Nayana Nair

They are beautiful peoplewith beautiful heartand they really want to mend meand that’s scary. It is scarybecause I can’t seem to feellove or gratitudefor anyone who affirmsthat I am as bad as I imagined myself to be. It is scarybecause my disease knows meand my cure doesn’t.And the better life sounds like hellto my brokenContinue reading ““I am afraid of the ones who still see hope in me” – Nayana Nair”

“harmless” – Nayana Nair

i slipped, fell, and cut my skin.i didn’t want to care, but i did.i couldn’t help but feel sorry for all the harmless thingsthat ended up being cursed at, blamed foronly because i ran towards themwith all that i had in me.i recalled the formula of impact,that never meant so much to metill i realizedContinue reading ““harmless” – Nayana Nair”

“Portals” – Nayana Nair

the wafer breaks and crumblesmy teeth find a red muscle to killagain my mouth bleedsbut no iron strikes my tasteso i wait for iti wait for my imagined painto become real i look at my handsmy unsightly weak handsthey are portals to my past selfhow they weighed its emptiness even when they held youhow iContinue reading ““Portals” – Nayana Nair”

“Crutch” – Nayana Nair

I let your hand become my crutch.I let your feelings for mebecome a means of my own validation.I let “love” slipfrom my mind.Being the centerof your tiny universehas ruined me, has undone my heart.You are too close, too close to be seenor to be cared for.Each morning your face reminds mehow you are become oneContinue reading ““Crutch” – Nayana Nair”

“maintain my world” – Nayana Nair

and this sad premise is not a commentaryon how rotten the world isbut an observationthat we have a pattern that is hard to break. that people often misinterpret the habit of one thingas a proof of its superiority over everything else in world. that words can move your heart,sometimes for worse.it can move you towardsContinue reading ““maintain my world” – Nayana Nair”

“creation” – Nayana Nair

strangelyeven there, even on the canvas of my imaginationwhere I get to act the god,even in that worldwhere you are nothing but my creation,even there I can’t imaginea happier end for us. -o- because i can edit our photoson the cities we never got to visitand i can write you some words, give you someContinue reading ““creation” – Nayana Nair”

“she must have been as lovely as you once were” – Nayana Nair

i happened to find a picture of yoursa blue ocean engulfing two shadows it must have killed youto have come back alone to sit and imagine what she could lived likeif you were the one lost and buried in the sea even though you are wretched and she is gonebut it is because you heldContinue reading ““she must have been as lovely as you once were” – Nayana Nair”

“Blue Rant” – Nayana Nair

I have heard many saythat blue is saddest color.But what I find more sad ishow almost everyone I knowknows how to imagine/recall a sadnessat the mention of this color. I imagine this-all of us,millions of us standing in one huge roomand someone mentioning this color,this harmless color. I imagine our collective sadness, our collective agony.IContinue reading ““Blue Rant” – Nayana Nair”

“Cutouts of Star Factories” – Nayana Nair

Though the sky is filled with lightsthe nights on this land are lonely as ever.Again I am in lovewith a part of sky,with things that we call heavenly only because they are out of our reach,only because they are not ours to keep,because every god seems to love them more. I end up on websitesContinue reading ““Cutouts of Star Factories” – Nayana Nair”

“Downhill” – Nayana Nair

I am told that all this will endand we would finally reach a pointwhere it all goes downhill,that our hearts will know real meaning of pain.Maybe it is the lack of my imaginationthat I cannot imagine any darkness where you are,at least not the darkness that I fear. We are sandwiched between the pain ofContinue reading ““Downhill” – Nayana Nair”