RSS Feed

Tag Archives: long

“Fed Up” – Nayana Nair

I am fed up of writing
the same sorrowful lines,
the same self-pity,
the same cries for fairness
in a game
I’ve quit long ago.

I am fed up of this habit of hiding
even after the storm has passed.

“ugliness of my words” – Nayana Nair

As they casually made a remark
about my incompetence,
I found I hated them more than I should.
Even if all their words were true,
even though I was lacking.
I wanted them to speak well of me.
Not only speak well of me
but to think well of me.

I never realized
that they loved everything I pretended to be
and mocked everything I truly was.
I thought they would
see past the ugliness of my words
and understand how much I struggled to be myself.
Did I want too much?

As they leave for the day, I smile.
Try my best to be the fake that they love so much,
try my best to never be myself.
As they leave,
as my heart tries not to break,
I ask myself,
how long?
How long can I love someone
who never saw anything in me worth loving?

“Pay it off” – Nayana Nair

Most my life is about
standing at the edge with the others
and choosing whether to push them first
or giving up on myself, by throwing myself away.
And all my decisions have ended up
in wait for someone else to decide my fate.
Wait long enough to think we are friends
who are here watching the world set on the sun,
wait long enough to feel betrayed by the choice
I myself would have made
at some point.

***

But I think there may have been iterations
that I choose not to remember
where I was the one who severed my feelings for others
with series of selfish decision.
That is probably why
even when I fall
instead of feeling resentment,
I say to myself
“suffer a little more, pay it all off
that is all that is left too do now.”

“Come Apart” – Nayana Nair

We believed (or wanted to)
that this world where we won’t be staying for long
will be always there,
will the stay the same
even when we leave.
That our eyes have captured something eternal.
But even the stars that we believed in
were in fact dying,
so far away that we didn’t even know.
Would it have mattered even if we knew?
Would we have cared for an end that we won’t live to see?
So even when I see that we are breaking,
even when I know it will come apart,
I know we don’t need a forever,
just bit more time.
We just need to vanish into dust
before we watch our love die.

“All the talk about survival” – Nayana Nair

I walking around this planet
talking about survival
as if I actually lived to survive.
I didn’t.
There are many who do
but they are not the ones who are filling the world
with papers filled reeking of envy and tears.
The ones who are really desperate,
who really fear extinction-
disappear as they fear
without leaving a trace of the hurt
that had so engulfed them.

~

I think I have it better.
I know I have it easy.
My pain though has become my life long mission
it only drinks me up sip by sip,
never finishing me in one gulp
but to leave me alive and thriving in the illusion
that the only one suffering in the world is me.
If it does nothing else
at least it feeds my ego
to think of myself as some lost cause
and I think if it was not for this belief
in my great suffering,
I might have seen my life for what it has always been.
Realizing the reality of my life would have been greater tragedy for sure
and maybe that’s why I held on so tightly
to the illusion that I was already in one.

“Yesterday is long time ago” – Nayana Nair

9a32bb6425479e9c272e1bd6af0d80d4

Today
I had to recite your words,
only now addressed to you.
It was only yesterday,
though it was a probably long time ago
that you told me how you suffered
because people were inconsiderate
and were proud of being so.
How there would have been lesser scars on your skin
if those who knew better, also acted better.
So I feel it is regretful (though unavoidable)
that you should hear the same from me,
that I ended being the mirror
that showed your disfigured soul to you.
But it pained me more
to see that you found it normal,
that you were okay to be someone
that you would have hated yesterday.

“Drop of Me”- Nayana Nair

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

A drop of me falls on your leaves,
falls from your leaves.
The rain of love
finds you again
even if it is without me.
The ground of reality
hits me again,
asking me to give you up.
It tells me that
if I wait enough,
wait long enough
I will find you.
And by finding you
only I will be ruined.

Wayward Armie

A blog on culture + finding our authentic self within it

The Wandering Armadillo

I am the "little armored one", moving gently through life. Hoping to safeguard my sensitivities with layers of words and the expression of thought. Shielding my mirror neurons at times, or tasting music and spinning till I'm dizzy. Every moment here is a gift.

sherazade2011

Con te conversando, dimentico ogni tempo e le stagioni e i loro mutamenti: tutte mi piacciono allo stesso modo. (Milton)

Evaporata

Non voglio sognare, voglio dormire.

lillian the home poet

rejuvenatement - not retirement

Fmme writes poems

This is a space for me to write, share my words and play with poetry. You are very welcome here.

Boomdeeadda

Life, Art and Other Bits

koolkosherkitchen

Welcome to my Kool Kosher Kitchen where food is fun and fun is to create food!

Mama Cormier

.... my journey to a healthy life, making new memories and so much more

Colonialist's Blog

The general journal of a normal nutter playing with words (in awful rhyme a lot of the time), music and pictures, and having the occasional rant.

A Dalectable Life

The little and large things making my life delicious!

Notes From the Hinterland

A blog about nature, home, community, books, writing, the environment, food, and rural life.

Tales for Life

Some stories just need to be told: healing and wholeness in everyday life

Londonsenior

The life of an elderly Londoner and her travels.

anotherdayinparadise

Travels in Paradise

Where to next?

Riding in cars with dogs

World in your eyes

People, Years, Life in photo. Travel impressions. Daily life.

Widdershins Worlds

WRITING LESBIAN FICTION, SCIENCE FICTION, AND FANTASY, SINCE THE 20TH CENTURY

jodie richelle

embracing my inner homemaker