“Calling” – Nayana Nair

my heart-
i wish for its sake
that i don’t make it through this sadness.
for its sake i don’t want to forget nor forgive.
anyway, the next love
will just be the same story with new actors.
except me.
me-
like always i would give myself up
for lives of those who are better than me
and put my heart on a pedestal for caring too much.

i have a calling it seems-
of turning humans into weapons,
of advertising myself as an ideal victim,
of creating pain with numb hands
of making this pain immortal, an absolute.
this pain
that won’t even destroy me properly.

“A LONG WALK”-Nayana Nair

The boy walked slowly

In step with her heartbeat.

Tears the sky cried last night

Flowed at his feet.

Through the cracked pebbled path

That shimmered like her tresses.

He didn’t glance back

For he felt her eyes on him everywhere.

He knew

Not her name, not her abode,

But that she was in his life forever.

In the form of passing shadows

And in the form of sunlit windows.

He need not hold onto her,

Nor follow her,

Nor please or disappoint her.

He need not name this feeling,

Or cling to it, for he knew

She had become the meaning of his life.

He heard her singing

Beneath the lamp post they stood.

The sparks of laughter

That spilled from her eyes

Lighted his dull spirit.

The streets that he walked now,

The blue street with washed out black,

Where she walked with him

Will never be the same.

These streets will be the

Address of his happiness

And her image will stand there

Welcoming him home.

It was a long walk

For the boy with the lighted spirit

To drag his earthly body

Away from her presence,

Away from life.