if the roles I play
are really what I want to be.
Or is it too late?
Are my roles,
my not-so-temporary voices
the dreaming and the wanting
in my place
I see you and utter “love me”
without thinking twice.
Even if you find
some love left in you to give up,
is there any “me” left in me
to love you back.
Would I end up setting you up
with a heartless cruel face of mine?
Would I hold your hand, only to give you away
to the parts of me, that cannot ever understand
how precious you are?
I want to stay away from people,
who I once called friends,
(I think they never called me that)
and I have doubts on what I feel.
I am suffering from an unexplained aversion
to human relation and condition.
My efforts are spent
in avoiding people and small talks.
I spend my days
thinking, “What is wrong with me?’,
knowing that these feeling are weird
and still not finding something wrong
where there should be soomething wrong.
In the brief moments when I am reminded
of once dear faces,
I feel an ache,
a feeling that I have been let down,
I have been betrayed by everyone,
I have been wronged.
I am no longer myself.
I am somewhere where
I have lost sense of myself and others.
Even though you miss me,
even though you love me,
please don’t try to bring me back.
I have nothing to talk to you,
I have hundred things that make me cry at this moment.
There are moments in my life that fill me with joy,
that makes my life seem worth living,
that you do not know of .
But I have nothing to say to you.
You are still my friend,
but I feel we exist in different world.
My world consists of only me.
And your world has no place
for the silence that I speak in.
But I can’t tell you that.
I don’t want to lose you.
You may not know me now.
I may not know you too.
We are holding he hands of our past selves.
But you know it already,
But love me still, like I love you.