“Temperaments and Thoughts” – Nayana Nair

We once loved this world
more than ourselves.
Now we just like everything
only as much as our own temperaments and thoughts permit.

The oranges reminds him of view from his broken home,
the sour taste of everything that should have been beautiful.

The glowing beads fill my mind with the images of meaningless gifts,
the faces of men and friends that always fall short
even in the face if my plummeting expectations.

Going out of our way to hide
is the measure of our love somehow.
We sit across each other for every meal
and talk about things that make sense,
everything and anything that can’t cause more harm
than the things close to our heart have already done.

I feel the rustle of a world buried deep in me,
he must feel the same.
But the world that is lost and the hope that is no longer mine
can only do so little.
There is a happiness that doesn’t look enchanting.
There is a kindness that isn’t grand.
There are things only we can be for each others
even if there are thousand things we can’t.

I would have told him “I love you”
if I didn’t know how hearing these words
have only made him cry.
He lets me love within the boundary
of my temperament and thoughts,
he stands by these walls and knows why they are for.

“Assumption” – Nayana Nair

We assumed that this fire that melts and hurts
was safe in our hearts
and no one would have to know,
no one has to get burned, bear marks of
this uncertain change that leaves us strangers
to the ones we love.
That makes it difficult to act
like what we used to be,
when we are forgetting memories
we are supposed to enact.

“Denied”- Nayana Nair

I have not been denied my dream.
But I was given too much time,
and too less conviction in myself.
I have been denied the vision
to see me for what I am,
for what I do.

“What is it like?” – Nayana Nair

I have not known
what it is like
to stop looking for ways to prove
people and their minds
as the root of my the problems.
What is it like
to stop hurting others,
thinking everyone out there
has something against me.
What it is to undo the harm
of many many hands.
What is it like to help someone forget
the pain of living.

“Would you be kind enough” – Nayana Nair

Would you be kind enough
to take a walk with me.
To the abyss I am heading to.
To witness my destruction,
to shed a tear for what I could have been.
To make me into a beautiful poem.

“FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS (4)” – Nikitha Nair

We see ourselves , we see others and then we try to see ourselves in others.

We rejoice when we find ourselves in others. But we moan for the loss of our individuality that we want and don’t want at the same time.

We want to be lost and still want to be found.

A state of dilemma makes us stop and let this world go by us. We know that there are millions of opportunities to be one in all and so are the chances of being all in one.

–Nikitha Nair

“FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS (3)”- NIKITHA NAIR

“His disappearance was not to be seen in her eyes. Long stranger to his voice she had become. As though he was never there, not in her home nor in her heart”

–Nikitha Nair

“A stage for sadness”- Nayana Nair

So….its been a while since I started visiting the site – sothere.com….quite frequently, I must say. Why? I don’t know for sure.

I came to know about the site through stumbleupon.com ……I did visit it 2-3 three times..when I found it…and even though of writing some letters of my own to send to them…but I didn’t…Why? Well, I’m not the sort of person who feels alright to put their feelings and experience into a paper and make a complete drama about it…with a little or a lot of exxageration….blaming everyone…regretting my choices…sorry..that’s not just me. Even if I write something like that I’d tear it up/ erase it the next second. Why? (I ask myself lots of question :)) Well..its a comforting thought to share your pain..or rather get the pain out of your heart onto a paper….rather that keeping everything to yourself….(I’ve heard so) But its only because I don’t trust people…Everything I say..can be used against me in future….I have to take caution at every step…partially due to my suspicious nature and partially due to my attitude…

There are people who are mean, sadistic,who’ll do anything to protect themselves even if it means to hurt others…..and they stop at nothing..the dark part of human nature is more darker than the darkest shade of black color I’ve got in my crayon set. (But at the same time brightness white can’t do justice to represent their goodness, kindness and benevolence. The angel and the devil are the same person)

I read somewhere:

“In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.”

But people do exactly opposite. They drag in every incident in past , just to prove their point. They’ll use everything, you tell them, against you. It happens . I don’t blame such people..they are humans after all…they’ll protect themselves from any danger…even if the danger is imaginary one. Even if the danger they perceived was from their most beloved person. The person they once held closest to their heart.

But my point was…I actually went back to visit this site on a regular basis..just because I wanted to get some ideas for the story I’m writing currently…..so…as soon as you visit sites like sothere.com ……you’ll see these letters….written by thousands of people..letter filled with sorrow…some with happiness..others with gratitude….But a majority of them are all about “how sad I’m”, “whose fault was that?”, “it could have ended better if you didn’t hurt me”,”we’re such good friends until you messed it all up”…and many other things.

Well I hate to say this..but…..its feels good to read them…I don’t support creating a drama out of your sorrow….everyone suffers once in a while..and I used to think there’s no need to make such a fuss about it…but….now I think its better to make a fuss..tell everyone you are so sad, you feel so lonely…you’ve lost someone, you have lost someone’s love and trust…and you do have the right to moan and cry…and somewhere around the world , someone will read you words and feel comforted..that I’m not the only one…and at that time you’ll feel a deep connection with that person, you’ll be sorry for them……..your own pain will look bearable knowing someone else also had to go through it..and still made it out of the “sorrow land”….you’ll feel sympathy for a person you may never meet, you’ve never seen, whom you’ve never talked with, someone whose name you’ll never now….but these things won’t matter…because you may never ever able to feel that kind of connection with your family, your childhood friends, the people you meet everyday…..

As I said…we all suffer…more or less…..that’s what’s supposed to happen, that’s normal, that’s the way this world is supposed to work…but it would be less painful if you stop this dissection of your past…to judge whose fault was it all…who should be blamed…who suffered more….STOP THAT….everyone suffers..but won’t it be constructive to try to make things right,  to let yourself rest for a while…give yourself the happiness you deserve..you get a minute to spare and you drown yourself into everything bad that’s happened to you…when you make a mistake only remember the lesson it taught you…its a waste to remember everything else….and to tag people as villain and hero….rather…get yourself an ice cream…go for a walk …and if you have lots of time to spare…write a letter to sothere.com…maybe I’ll come across it and feel that connection with you..you who is reading this right now…

“Sad Endings”- Nayana Nair

Last night I was watching the movie “Vinnaithandi Varuvaya”…….liked it…..
But each time I watch movies…One thing becomes certain about my bad taste..that I’m more inclined to like those with sad endings……

For example…..some weeks ago…I was watching the same movie’s Hindi version “Ekk Deewana Tha”……you know..the story was pretty same…same music..by A.R. Rahman (Loved his music in both Hindi and Tamil version…but I liked the lyrics of Thamarai more than Javed Akhtar’s…)…the director was same…so not much difference

But the day I watched the hindi version it didn’t matter much…
I mean the movie was good and all……but you know not that impact…
but yesterday the tamil version…..it would be a crime to call it “good and all”…it was awesome
why?
because
1.the hero and heroine did better acting than that in Hindi…..
2.the dialogues seemed better….or rather the way they were said…
3…the most important point…was this one had sad ending…(unlike the Hindi version where everything gets right in the end)…here heroine married someone else…and hero was left alone…

The third reason is the most important part……..
I’m not some sadist kind of person to derive happiness from the main character’s sorrow…its just that…these kind of stories seem more real….if not real..at least for me..they make a far more impact than those happy endings….

You know…after the movie ends ..you can’t get it out of your mind….for like next three days……its like the possibilities of any other ending haunts you….you think…only if it was a happy ending…….you crave for happy ending…knowing that it was not…that thoughts fill up your mind…..and you think…all this could have been avoided if this didn’t happen…or that didn’t happen….every time you hum its tune..there’s a kind of sadness it reminds you of….

It doesn’t dampen your spirit..but you know it kind of lingers in your thought..in your heart..in your mind…the story becomes a part of you….Sometimes I imagine..how lucky and how fortunate  it would be to write something like that…to write stories that people treasure in their heart…..to write the kind of stories people care about….

For me these sad ending tales are same……if even a chance…I would write a story like that….

I believe I love movies and books…just because it makes me live the life of a person ( real or imaginary) for some moments…the kind of person I may never meet…the kind of life I may never experience….it feels like for those moments you see can see the whole picture….so for me how good the film / movie is depends on to what extent I can feel them to be me…that illusion is all that counts…..I don’t know about others but for me…sorrow is something that arises empathy in me for the character….happiness..it creates empathy only if you have felt the hard work..and the determination it took the character to achieve that happiness…..So..it all boils down to the fact that the kind of movies I like to some extent ( I’d like to emphasize…TO SOME EXTENT) depends on the sorrow of the character…because when the character’s pain bring tears into my eyes….its because of empathy…on the contrary the happiness…that brings smile on my lips..to a large extent is sympathy…

Like I loved the movie “Ghajini”..very much..although I liked the Hindi version better than the Tamil one, maybe..that’s due to the Aamir Khan effect…anyway….sometimes I think , would I have liked the movie this much..if everything was happy in it…if heroine didn’t die..if the hero didn’t suffer too much..if everything could be changed…..but my answer would have been no…its what the hero suffered for heroine that endears him to the viewer…

Similarly..another favorite movie of mine is X MEN ORIGINS WOLVERINE that was something that would stay in my heart..why..the reasons would be same as that of the above film….the moment the heroine dies..your heart just skips a beat..as you never thought it would happen…and never wished it would happen..and when you know all that was a lie…you can really feel what the hero must have felt…..because it was not only the hero who was cheated …you were also felt cheated because you know what he had to go through to get to her…to get revenge of her death…and how much she meant to him…and how do you know that?…because you saw his pain..you felt his pain….(another possible reason couls be this, which I read on another site: “he has hazel brown and green eyes. Plus, there’s a hint of pain in those eyes. Women love that”)

Sometimes I wonder….maybe its our sorrow that glues us together..more than love…..

But why am I writing this rubbish boring speech….because I feel…years from now I would change…this theory of mine won’t be applicable on me…and then I would laugh at the kind of things I used to believe in…the kind of stupid opinions I had……this all won’t matter to me…..

But right now…I still wish…years from now…I want to believe in this…how sick this belief maybe…still I want to believe in this forever….to believe its the sorrow..its the pain that adds value to love.

“Melody Unknown”- Nayana Nair

Its hard to breathe, its hard to see,

With these tears in my eyes,

I can barely move, I can barely stand,

On this pile of misery and lies.

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Bubbles of happiness I see below,

From this pile that stands tall,

I want to be there, not here,

But my heart can’t bear another fall.

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Still haunted by the memory of last fall,

That I took to chase my dreams,

Everything was just as it is now,

The same happy bubbles below, through which sunshine gleams.

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Alone and Deserted, on this desolate pile,

Amidst this hopelessness I gear a new tone,

A tune, a melody, that whispers hope to my heart,

An encouragement it filled, that melody unknown.

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So here I stand, to take a leap to escape,

rather than a leap of faith,

A desperate effort to escape ,

my worries, my life and my fate.

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I know not whether I’ll reach that happiness,

those gleaming bubbles of joy I see.

what I know is even if I land on another pile,

I’ll never leave this joy, that melody instilled in me.