“Portals” – Nayana Nair

the wafer breaks and crumblesmy teeth find a red muscle to killagain my mouth bleedsbut no iron strikes my tasteso i wait for iti wait for my imagined painto become real i look at my handsmy unsightly weak handsthey are portals to my past selfhow they weighed its emptiness even when they held youhow iContinue reading ““Portals” – Nayana Nair”

“5 mins away” – Nayana Nair

As she places her coffee cup on the table,her eyes sting and ribs hurtto see the beautiful vase of her lifedearly holding onto the oldest withered flowers of her life.Flowers were not meant to do this,she knew.She also knewshe need not be like this,things need not be this way.The market is just 5 minutes away.WhenContinue reading ““5 mins away” – Nayana Nair”

“Threadbare belief” – Nayana Nair

Have we crossed the bridge yet?The one you promisedis just a heartbreak away.The one which would crumbleonce I cross it. I imagine the threadbare braided ropesready to untie and become one with my past.I imagine having to do nothing withhow I have lived so far.It is such a relief to think it is possible. ButContinue reading ““Threadbare belief” – Nayana Nair”

“Unlike me” – Nayana Nair

Sometimes I fear you –the way you can make me want to change,the way you make me act unlike myself.I doubt that maybe I am too easily convincedand too easily affected by your existence. I wonder my effort to become someone you deservehow is it different from the insincerity that I have always shown toContinue reading ““Unlike me” – Nayana Nair”

“Agreeable” – Nayana Nair

Once I didn’t feel less for wanting less.But now my ambitions are the measure of my capabilities. Now as I try to get/buy/copy a new agreeable dream,I am instructed to be ‘unapologetically me’,apologising only to myselfevery time I smile in a life that I didn’t wantand can never love.

“The Dying Voices of my Angels” – Nayana Nair

Hold this,whatever this is. Hold thistill I find a way to hide it, get rid of it,or kill it. They say I will die the momentI set the monster in me ablaze.But this is the reasonwarnings no longer work on me. This is why I cannot live the way I want. This is why ‘whatContinue reading ““The Dying Voices of my Angels” – Nayana Nair”

“creation” – Nayana Nair

strangelyeven there, even on the canvas of my imaginationwhere I get to act the god,even in that worldwhere you are nothing but my creation,even there I can’t imaginea happier end for us. -o- because i can edit our photoson the cities we never got to visitand i can write you some words, give you someContinue reading ““creation” – Nayana Nair”

“Counting the Pieces Left” – Nayana Nair

shadows of eveningare still in my roomthe morning rays, the flickering light bulb,your laughter, they don’t do much. cause this life of mirrored sunshines and smilesmakes me feel nothing.there is something wrong with my heartwhich you might have known all along. i toss another piece of meinto the ocean.it is one other piece of meContinue reading ““Counting the Pieces Left” – Nayana Nair”

“could-have-beens” – Nayana Nair

when saw my skin, i saw only crackscracks that would have looked worseif i could see better.i wanted to look awaybut all i could do was think-age is creeping up on meslowly and cruellyand you are not here. i think of all the things i can never have now.things i meant to do everydaythings iContinue reading ““could-have-beens” – Nayana Nair”

“As Little as Possible” – Nayana Nair

the broken have found love again. again they will forget all that they promised they would never forget. they talk of hobbies, talk of news,talk of things that are easy to agree upon.they talk about breaking down walls at lunchand stay awake at night getting rid of every part of themselvesthat could spoil this love.Continue reading ““As Little as Possible” – Nayana Nair”