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“What I Remember (24)” – Nayana Nair

It is time to go out into the world.

It is time that I try hard to get my heart broken
and pretend that it is happening for the first time,

to claim that I trusted blindly
knowing it is not something I am capable of,

to fit my body awkwardly
in the kind of life that people call ‘life’

to find words, to practice the new lingo
that can make something about me relatable,
so that my skin soaked in a tiring tale of sadness
doesn’t make me an alien,

to fill me up again with pictures
of parks, cafes, malls, and roads filled with people
who supposedly like each other,
if not a lot,
then at least enough to not let their ailing self
ruin the perfect moment, the perfect teamwork, the perfect promise.
(Perfection that relies on someone else
doesn’t sit well with me.)

It is time I find something new
that I cannot be or cannot have
before I lock myself up again
for next hundred heart years.

So while I am out to find something to write about and hurt about
miss me my cell,
pray for me.
I am afraid that once I am surrounded by all
that I have learned not to want,
I might start to hope again.
I might slip again.
I might forget to see the distance that I carry in me
and get disappointed by the doors that I can’t reach.

“What I Remember(7)” – Nayana Nair

I have got something against
most words and most sentences
that proclaim that everything is achievable,
that dreams come true,
that life is perfect picture if you want it to,
that everything is in our hands,
and happiness is ours if we have to courage
to step out of the shadows of our fear.

Because I may have lived just over 20 years
but I have feel like I have lived a lot
and I think it is unfair
that I feel so old and weary already.
I feel I am disappointed in many things,
many small things,
things that I could have easily ignored,
things that I could have got used to
if I was aware of their existence
before reality crawled into my world without any warning.

So when I cross my path with these filtered picture of this world
the fun, the bright and the confident who deserve the world.
I am sad, because that is the world I have never seen,
that world doesn’t exist for me.
In the world I see not everything is achievable-
somethings are and somethings aren’t.
Dreams come true, but not always
mostly we end up changing, skipping and down-grading
till we reach the ones we can achieve.
Life is not perfect.
Yes, it is the biggest gift,
but it is not perfect and it all doesn’t depend all on me.
My life is more in the hands of others
than I would want it to be
and helplessness comes in all forms
dressed in the form of situations that no one else can see.
Helplessness is as real as our dreams.
That out of the shadows that we hide in
it is not all warm and sunny.
The rains, the storm,
the climate of life is not same for all.

So all these quotes meant to motivate
don’t mention the subtext
don’t mention the terms and conditions,
the cases where they don’t apply.

I would have coped better with these small hardships
if I expected them when I chose my dream.
I may have taken it as my grand adventure,
if I didn’t feel duped or betrayed half of the time.
Maybe then I would not feel obligated to always have an excuse
to give, for the times when I fell short of the default way of things.
It would have helped or perhaps consoled me to know
that everyone has to work hard, has to sacrifice a lot,
that many struggle for years and sometimes for their whole life
to get what to they want.

Or maybe I am just bitter cause someone else is living a better life.

“Having All” – Nayana Nair

Since the broken have got their share of songs,
now let us grieve for the ones who are complete.
who have got more than they wanted,
and have too much in their hands.
Who walk with a loneliness similar to the ones who were deprived
just without the right to complain or take pity on themselves.

. . .

Maybe it is this ‘having all’
that would become the reason of their cracks.
For in the pauses of the ones who I thought were happy,
I have often seen a wait for another life.
They find themselves wanting this struggle
that has been romanticized and exaggerated
so much that, it becomes a yearning.

. . .

They find themselves hating
this infinite stretch of perfect utopian dream
that cannot last
only because the mind that creates and wants the perfect
in trapped in a body that by nature are attracted towards disorder,
towards its own undoing.

“White Eternity” – Nayana Nair

The gentle snow,
my longing eyes,
your beautiful smile-
all against the landscape lost in eternal white.

All these are no longer my precious memory of my everlasting love.
I do not remember when you became this person
who capable to such harm and such deceit.
It is a shame that the you from long ago
is only alive in my heart.
And though I do not want to do this
but I can’t keep you in my heart any longer.
I want to forget you
the way you have forgotten me.
I want to let go of this memory of perfect love
that no longer exists.
I can’t keep dragging you to where you do not belong.
I can’t bear to look at you expecting every minute
for a change in your heart.
I can’t depend on you to become what you once were
and I am letting go of you
not with disappointment
but because
I have seen too much of what you are capable of
that I can no longer be the girl
with innocent eyes and longing heart
even if you return to what you were.
So I finally quit being your dream
as you have stopped being mine.

But I know
our silhouettes still walk in the white eternity together
even if we resent them for that,
even if we forget them.

“Lovable Beings” – Nayana Nair

city-girl-indie-lights-Favim.com-1776342

The familiar images of a girl with strength
and a guy with heart
and feelings that can be reasoned.
I found them everywhere in stories
but not in life.
Mostly they were just weak people
who learnt how to live with their heart.
And loved and let themselves be loved
with the faults that they had.
Here
people who were – what they were.
No love or devotion
promising to change them into lovable beings.
Especially when ‘lovable’ was defined
by people who didn’t approve certain lives
and certain love.
And the perfect image of love
and notion of the perfect people who deserved it
made me think of the emotions we cut from our heart.
Leaving us little more empty,
taking us a little more far
from the perfect life that we were told to have.

“Silver Moon” – Nayana Nair

511ff2938cc082872a1a2806bd694002--moonlight-the-moon

Have you reached that part of your life
where the seasons don’t matter,
and time doesn’t matter.
And the only thing that occupies your mind
is you.
Because it is the only thing
breaking in this perfect world
and you know not
how to keep this perfect thing going on.
The silver moon stays in the sky
while your eyes become useless
as the hands of god scribble endlessly,
so that the moon crumbles only in your eyes.
If you haven’t reached that part,
I hope you don’t.
And if you are already there
let’s hope we can get out of it .
For the only hope I have is-
if only I can hold myself together,
there is still that beautiful world out there
whose memory keeps us alive this season-less land.

“Picture Perfect”- Nayana Nair

Posted on

The minute you switch on TV….the only thing you can clearly see ( though people don’t accept that) is that television, books, movies and almost anything….through which you can mint money….run by exploiting the fantasy and the craze girls and women have about this ” picture perfect world”…from perfect color, skin, world, dress..and even a prince charming (that’s how axe and all the rubbish things get sold…)

it seems that hadn’t the girls been there in the world…the market would run dry….

This article I’m writing currently is not to put blame on industries, advertising companies…or anyone who’s exploiting our fantasy….our imagination…

This is not about blame….

The fact that I’m trying to point out is that….most of the girls have this notion that everything needs to be perfect..they thrust their expectation upon others..even themselves…they want themselves to be perfect, others to be perfect and in short the world to be perfect. I know what I’m talking…because I’m a girl….and I have experienced that…

They drown themselves in the huge ocean of romantic books, movies ….why? …just to escape…..escape from what?……..from the fact that’s nothing’s going to be perfect…..ever …EVER…….

So they are pleased to hear…..and pleased to see that perfectness the imaginary world offers…..and never knowing that they are reinforcing this belief of perfectness again and again…..that they are never going to achieve……

So what’s wrong in that?..nothing….Even I’d love to watch those movies and read those books…but the problem in this whole scenario is that even in our real lives we measure the other person with the same standard we have seen in that imaginary world…..and nothing compares to that……..we are again then disappointed the see the imperfect world…so gain we drown ourselves in that ocean…this cycle never ends…….

What I’m trying to tell my fellow girls…for their own benefit…

STOP…STOP….daydreaming…..

go out…and live the life you want to live…don’t waste your time waiting for a stupid prince charming that may never come…or whose charm may not last no longer than the second they open their mouth to prove their stupidity.

if you want to go to beach…..go…do whatever you want…find time to do what you love……

the problem we see these days……..is that these girls are not in love…..they are desperately in love with the idea of being in love……..

if you want to dream….dream about , think about what good can you do with your life, what can you achieve in these finite breaths that you’ve got remaining in the bank account of your life….

There are people who who actually deserve your attention, your love….and let me tell you that these people are far away from perfect……and don’t waste your time to turn them into perfect being…..perfectness is boring….its only appealing in imagination……real life is all about imperfection…

Love is not about finding that perfect guy….(anyone can do that…its not love)

Love is all about finding someone who you can love even though they are imperfect..even though they maybe complete jerks….even though they might hurt you…..even if they break your trust…..

you may think that’s not possible but that’s what reality is…you are imperfect to everyone around you…if you don’t believe that…see this article I’m writing criticizing you and trying to improve you (see even i’m trying to make everyone perfect)…so even though you’re not perfect your family, friends ………everyone loves you that’s why they are there…still with you..

.the imperfect you…

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