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Tag Archives: reality

“Spare me” – Nayana Nair

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Spare me from your prayers
and spare me from your hearts.
I do not yearn for heaven
for I never believed it from the start.
Spare me from your world.
The fear and resentment of being left beind
feels less like resentment each day.
The reality of life
the pain I have given myself
turns your crimes against me into kindness.

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“Let me sell you a story” – Nayana Nair

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Let me sell you a story.
A lie
that my hollow life could live in.
A home that can be changed to my need.
A reality that never exists,
but is as real as
the stories,
the lives
that we avoided by one choice.
Let me sell you a story,
let me sell you my dreams.
I have no need for them anyway.

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“A cup of tea on a rainy day” – Nayana Nair

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You sit beside my favorite book,
after you hand me a cup of tea.
Though I want to know what you’ve been up to,
we just look out
as we have done numerous times,
when we had too much to say
but didn’t want to.
Knowing that silence of this room
we will make us forget all of it,
one by one.

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The struggle you had to had to face
on your way here,
with streets flooded with monsoon rains;
the fact that when the doorbell rang
I was just about to immerse myself
in sleep that had evaded me for so long;
how I sat up and wondered
would it be you
and dismissed it as another dream
that would not hurt
until I go back to reality;
how you almost wanted to run back
the moment you pressed the bell;
how you looked around my room
and felt pity and relief
at same time,
for seeing that I have not changed.

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I would have made you a cup of tea
if not for my fever
and I knew you’d make me one
for you are here to say the goodbye
that you couldn’t say all the other days
just like this.
You’d ask me if I have someone
to look after me.
And I’d ask you to stay
till the rain stops,
till the water flooding the streets recede,
till we can let go,
either of each other
or our pride.

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“Fire Drill” – Nayana Nair

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Yesterday the fire alarm rang.
We pretended to run
even though we knew of this lie.
Cause we were convinced
this will keep us alive,
when (if) our worst fear
(out of so many)
became reality.

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And in the open
where it was supposed to be safe
(as if any place in this world is safe)
when it started to drizzle,
people just wanted to run to a shelter.
Even if it meant taking refuge
in the building they ran away from
with fake fire.

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And so like always,
like all of us,
they ran from one place to another,
one fear to another.
And I realized I was too tired to run now.
Running from fire,
running from rain,
running from commitments,
running from love,
running from myself.
I was too tired.
Aren’t you?

“Part of me” – Nayana Nair

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A part of me is always detached from my life,

from this world.

It is aware of everything,

it knows, but is unaffected.

As if this pain, is not mine

but someone else’s.

Or worse, it acts as if there is no pain.

It knows that I am crying

but doesn’t understand why.

It looks at these concepts.

Concepts of happiness, sadness, jealousy,

struggle and whatnot.

But these are just ideas for it.

Ideas that do not matter.

It believes that the fire I play with

can burn me, but not ‘it’.

It’s reality is different than mine.

This part of me just observes this life

as it passes by

and refuses to participate.

The only thing it does understand is that

We are here.

And how wonderful it is

to witness the beauty, this life is.

It only understands the beauty of the ruin,

our life is headed to.

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“Small, small doubts”- Nayana Nair

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It kills me

to keep guessing which one of us

realizes first, our folly

of being too proud of our love and its power.

While hundreds of such love cease to exist each moment.

Hundreds of hearts broken.

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And those people who no longer love,

who no longer want to love

Did they, like us, believe

in the invincibility of their desires and devotion.

and misjudged the amount of sacrifices a person can make.

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Will we become like them, dear?

How many years can we spend together

before reality of life breaking us apart?

It kills me not to know the nature

of this beast, of this love

that has taken refuge in my heart.

Does the end of love begin

with these small, small doubts that I am holding?

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See for yourself- my heart,

how it bleeds.

And yet it tells me not to worry.

Tells me that I am coward.

That I am looking for excuses.

That people have loved without guarantees.

You can too.

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“CROSSROADS”-Nayana Nair

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I see myself sitting at the crossroads of life.

Scorched under the sun of reality.

Its heat is part indifference

to my existence and my ways.

And part a mocking laughter

at where I have led myself.

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This defeat is not about

smashed dreams or tears of loss.

Just an echo of a sound

that has left my heart.

Just a face I know, I see,

But can never be.

It’s not the loss of illusion

that shielded me from what I am.

The dread that whatever life may give me.

It can never give me back the illusion of control,

belief that I can be whatever I want to be,

when I didn’t want to be me.

When I saw myself as amalgamation

of all life’s mistakes and faults.

The biggest attraction in the exhibition

of ‘live’s gone wrong and people gone astray’.

Yet ,I yearn to be the failure I once was.

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Once I saw myself sitting at crossroads of life.

Begging people to love me.

Begging for a glance.

Begging to make me believe in myself.

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Today, I see myself sitting at the crossroads.

Begging people to give me back what I was.

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