“CROSSROADS”-Nayana Nair

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I see myself sitting at the crossroads of life.

Scorched under the sun of reality.

Its heat is part indifference

to my existence and my ways.

And part a mocking laughter

at where I have led myself.

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This defeat is not about

smashed dreams or tears of loss.

Just an echo of a sound

that has left my heart.

Just a face I know, I see,

But can never be.

It’s not the loss of illusion

that shielded me from what I am.

The dread that whatever life may give me.

It can never give me back the illusion of control,

belief that I can be whatever I want to be,

when I didn’t want to be me.

When I saw myself as amalgamation

of all life’s mistakes and faults.

The biggest attraction in the exhibition

of ‘live’s gone wrong and people gone astray’.

Yet ,I yearn to be the failure I once was.

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Once I saw myself sitting at crossroads of life.

Begging people to love me.

Begging for a glance.

Begging to make me believe in myself.

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Today, I see myself sitting at the crossroads.

Begging people to give me back what I was.

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“Sad Endings”- Nayana Nair

Last night I was watching the movie “Vinnaithandi Varuvaya”…….liked it…..
But each time I watch movies…One thing becomes certain about my bad taste..that I’m more inclined to like those with sad endings……

For example…..some weeks ago…I was watching the same movie’s Hindi version “Ekk Deewana Tha”……you know..the story was pretty same…same music..by A.R. Rahman (Loved his music in both Hindi and Tamil version…but I liked the lyrics of Thamarai more than Javed Akhtar’s…)…the director was same…so not much difference

But the day I watched the hindi version it didn’t matter much…
I mean the movie was good and all……but you know not that impact…
but yesterday the tamil version…..it would be a crime to call it “good and all”…it was awesome
why?
because
1.the hero and heroine did better acting than that in Hindi…..
2.the dialogues seemed better….or rather the way they were said…
3…the most important point…was this one had sad ending…(unlike the Hindi version where everything gets right in the end)…here heroine married someone else…and hero was left alone…

The third reason is the most important part……..
I’m not some sadist kind of person to derive happiness from the main character’s sorrow…its just that…these kind of stories seem more real….if not real..at least for me..they make a far more impact than those happy endings….

You know…after the movie ends ..you can’t get it out of your mind….for like next three days……its like the possibilities of any other ending haunts you….you think…only if it was a happy ending…….you crave for happy ending…knowing that it was not…that thoughts fill up your mind…..and you think…all this could have been avoided if this didn’t happen…or that didn’t happen….every time you hum its tune..there’s a kind of sadness it reminds you of….

It doesn’t dampen your spirit..but you know it kind of lingers in your thought..in your heart..in your mind…the story becomes a part of you….Sometimes I imagine..how lucky and how fortunate  it would be to write something like that…to write stories that people treasure in their heart…..to write the kind of stories people care about….

For me these sad ending tales are same……if even a chance…I would write a story like that….

I believe I love movies and books…just because it makes me live the life of a person ( real or imaginary) for some moments…the kind of person I may never meet…the kind of life I may never experience….it feels like for those moments you see can see the whole picture….so for me how good the film / movie is depends on to what extent I can feel them to be me…that illusion is all that counts…..I don’t know about others but for me…sorrow is something that arises empathy in me for the character….happiness..it creates empathy only if you have felt the hard work..and the determination it took the character to achieve that happiness…..So..it all boils down to the fact that the kind of movies I like to some extent ( I’d like to emphasize…TO SOME EXTENT) depends on the sorrow of the character…because when the character’s pain bring tears into my eyes….its because of empathy…on the contrary the happiness…that brings smile on my lips..to a large extent is sympathy…

Like I loved the movie “Ghajini”..very much..although I liked the Hindi version better than the Tamil one, maybe..that’s due to the Aamir Khan effect…anyway….sometimes I think , would I have liked the movie this much..if everything was happy in it…if heroine didn’t die..if the hero didn’t suffer too much..if everything could be changed…..but my answer would have been no…its what the hero suffered for heroine that endears him to the viewer…

Similarly..another favorite movie of mine is X MEN ORIGINS WOLVERINE that was something that would stay in my heart..why..the reasons would be same as that of the above film….the moment the heroine dies..your heart just skips a beat..as you never thought it would happen…and never wished it would happen..and when you know all that was a lie…you can really feel what the hero must have felt…..because it was not only the hero who was cheated …you were also felt cheated because you know what he had to go through to get to her…to get revenge of her death…and how much she meant to him…and how do you know that?…because you saw his pain..you felt his pain….(another possible reason couls be this, which I read on another site: “he has hazel brown and green eyes. Plus, there’s a hint of pain in those eyes. Women love that”)

Sometimes I wonder….maybe its our sorrow that glues us together..more than love…..

But why am I writing this rubbish boring speech….because I feel…years from now I would change…this theory of mine won’t be applicable on me…and then I would laugh at the kind of things I used to believe in…the kind of stupid opinions I had……this all won’t matter to me…..

But right now…I still wish…years from now…I want to believe in this…how sick this belief maybe…still I want to believe in this forever….to believe its the sorrow..its the pain that adds value to love.

“THE FORGOTTEN FACES”- Nayana Nair

(Image taken from albeelucky.blogspot.com)

Sitting on the platform, waiting for my train,

I look at the unknown faces in vain,

Trying to find that person, that face,,

That gifted me smiles and was reason for my pain.

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Those faces that I can’t recall,

It’s a fogged memory a distant call,

As if from another life, another age,

Too surreal to be reality at all.

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Running in the dark, I was chasing a light,

Not knowing the way amidst the trees of great height,

I collided with someone, and fell on the ground,

The light was gone but there were couple of faces in sight.

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It felt that I’ve known them for years,

Their laughter, their talk, was so sweet to hear,

But a part of me feared the unknown,

I ran away from them, although I wanted them to be near.

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That moment of indecision is all I regret,

As the time passes, their faces I forget,

Now I’m left with only a painful emptiness,

I may have changed the past, if a second chance I could get.

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Looking forward to meet them at another place,

Asking the God to fulfill my wish and brighten my days,

As for now, another encounter I pray,

As I search for that forgotten face.

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