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“All Over Again” – Nayana Nair

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All that led me in life-
Sometimes towards you,
sometimes away.
My pride, my greed.
My sense of right
and my lust for wrong.
All have left me alone in life,
as you breathe your last.
Struggling to be free from me.

Your eyes found me hiding
in the truths I created everyday,
so my lies didn’t become apparent to myself.
Maybe because of that you have been tied to me
by what I now know as love.

The questions
of deserving love,
realizing love
no longer haunts my mind.
I wish I could go back to the world
where you breathe,
where you smile,
where you lips, your love, your tears
do not know my name.
For I know,
even if I could do it all over again,
it would all be the same.

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“Your Fullness” – Nayana Nair

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The fullness of your soul
reminds me of the emptiness of mine.
And of countless others
who have not yet realized
the word for what they feel,
who have been carefully dodging
their own reflections
by looking into the the right mirrors.
And you might not have known
what this plight feels like,
but I guess I am also choosing
a convenient lens to look at you,
while I am making list of people
who have misunderstood me.

“Your Place” – Nayana Nair

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I am not walking over
your footprints.
I am walking into the space you used
to occupy in this world.
I am walking into your absence.
I am taking your place.
I am taking your voice.
I am taking in the laughter
that escaped your lips
and never found their way back.
I am walking towards the fate
that took you from me, from this world.
But I do not seem to reach the place
where you are.
I have become one with the doorbell that never rings,
with the appointments on calendar
you will never be able to keep.
I can’t curse you for leaving me.
Some journeys are made without choice
and some distances are granted for our own peace.
The place you made for me in this life
is the only thing that feels right without you.
Only thing I can do
is to stop waiting,
and live your life
in your place.

“Act Better” – Nayana Nair

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I have turned my face
from every confrontation
that I cannot tolerate.
I have stuck to my thoughts
and my denials.
I continue to agree with people
whom I find agreeable
and people who can help me think
that I am thinking right.
I have not learnt much in life.
And even when I realize my dubious nature,
I am not sure whether my efforts to improve
actually improve me
or are they just lessons to act better, pretend better,
to keep my immaturity bottled up.
But I do not mind such an arrangement
even if it is frustrating,
if only I could cushion this world
from the hatred I am capable of.

“Soon” – Nayana Nair

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There is a thought

that holds my hands

sometimes to save me from drowning,

sometimes to drag me down.

The thought that

all you say

and all I say

will be part of all the noise

that this world has already lost.

This world that had witnessed us together

will soon forget us.

And we won’t feel a thing a that time,

however we may dread that day right now.

“Going back in time” – Nayana Nair

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There could never be a time for us.
We could never ask the question
we never thought of.
We could never bring up a spring of love
in our dry hearts.
And going back in time
makes no difference.
We would always be what we are
anything contrary to that,
anything against our very own nature,
makes us no less than a living lie.
Will that be still counted as love?
There would never be a right time
in the past that is already made
and nor in lives
that had no space for it anyways

“A stage for sadness”- Nayana Nair

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So….its been a while since I started visiting the site – sothere.com….quite frequently, I must say. Why? I don’t know for sure.

I came to know about the site through stumbleupon.com ……I did visit it 2-3 three times..when I found it…and even though of writing some letters of my own to send to them…but I didn’t…Why? Well, I’m not the sort of person who feels alright to put their feelings and experience into a paper and make a complete drama about it…with a little or a lot of exxageration….blaming everyone…regretting my choices…sorry..that’s not just me. Even if I write something like that I’d tear it up/ erase it the next second. Why? (I ask myself lots of question :)) Well..its a comforting thought to share your pain..or rather get the pain out of your heart onto a paper….rather that keeping everything to yourself….(I’ve heard so) But its only because I don’t trust people…Everything I say..can be used against me in future….I have to take caution at every step…partially due to my suspicious nature and partially due to my attitude…

There are people who are mean, sadistic,who’ll do anything to protect themselves even if it means to hurt others…..and they stop at nothing..the dark part of human nature is more darker than the darkest shade of black color I’ve got in my crayon set. (But at the same time brightness white can’t do justice to represent their goodness, kindness and benevolence. The angel and the devil are the same person)

I read somewhere:

“In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.”

But people do exactly opposite. They drag in every incident in past , just to prove their point. They’ll use everything, you tell them, against you. It happens . I don’t blame such people..they are humans after all…they’ll protect themselves from any danger…even if the danger is imaginary one. Even if the danger they perceived was from their most beloved person. The person they once held closest to their heart.

But my point was…I actually went back to visit this site on a regular basis..just because I wanted to get some ideas for the story I’m writing currently…..so…as soon as you visit sites like sothere.com ……you’ll see these letters….written by thousands of people..letter filled with sorrow…some with happiness..others with gratitude….But a majority of them are all about “how sad I’m”, “whose fault was that?”, “it could have ended better if you didn’t hurt me”,”we’re such good friends until you messed it all up”…and many other things.

Well I hate to say this..but…..its feels good to read them…I don’t support creating a drama out of your sorrow….everyone suffers once in a while..and I used to think there’s no need to make such a fuss about it…but….now I think its better to make a fuss..tell everyone you are so sad, you feel so lonely…you’ve lost someone, you have lost someone’s love and trust…and you do have the right to moan and cry…and somewhere around the world , someone will read you words and feel comforted..that I’m not the only one…and at that time you’ll feel a deep connection with that person, you’ll be sorry for them……..your own pain will look bearable knowing someone else also had to go through it..and still made it out of the “sorrow land”….you’ll feel sympathy for a person you may never meet, you’ve never seen, whom you’ve never talked with, someone whose name you’ll never now….but these things won’t matter…because you may never ever able to feel that kind of connection with your family, your childhood friends, the people you meet everyday…..

As I said…we all suffer…more or less…..that’s what’s supposed to happen, that’s normal, that’s the way this world is supposed to work…but it would be less painful if you stop this dissection of your past…to judge whose fault was it all…who should be blamed…who suffered more….STOP THAT….everyone suffers..but won’t it be constructive to try to make things right,  to let yourself rest for a while…give yourself the happiness you deserve..you get a minute to spare and you drown yourself into everything bad that’s happened to you…when you make a mistake only remember the lesson it taught you…its a waste to remember everything else….and to tag people as villain and hero….rather…get yourself an ice cream…go for a walk …and if you have lots of time to spare…write a letter to sothere.com…maybe I’ll come across it and feel that connection with you..you who is reading this right now…

.RattleTattle.

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