“Red Gates” – Nayana Nair

I drowned the flowersone by one.The poison of beautynow runs through the riverson this land,they fill his backyardin every season of rain.A child with his smiledrowns another boat of dreams,the flood is a field of paper,the flood is all that is left of me.She stares into me,waiting for a reflection to surface.She walks into metoContinue reading ““Red Gates” – Nayana Nair”

“i don’t react well to kindness” – Nayana Nair

the river behind meis filled with regretof swallowing the sunthat she once claimed to love.she is like me,so i thought she’d understand. but she holds my hands, refuses to give me upwhen i try to find outhow much I can be filled.she fears my temperamentand the dangerous things i incessantly wish for. i want toContinue reading ““i don’t react well to kindness” – Nayana Nair”

“this how i want to be frozen in you” – Nayana Nair

wave after wave of cold air,of sad premonitionsreached us, tried to convince usthat this was a really bad idea.that on a cold day like thisthere were easier ways to find warmth,ways that would take away no part of us. and frankly i was afraid.i stopped maybe a million times on my tracks.i waited for someoneContinue reading ““this how i want to be frozen in you” – Nayana Nair”

“Last Everything” – Nayana Nair

There are bouts of tears,phone calls,consolation, advice,and it ends. The river stops and flows again. There are missed calls, busy tone,letters never penned,the sky that didn’t shatter like glass. The river stopsand flows again. There is me,there is you,there are our days togetherand the days we will never have. Nothing endseven if I break.The riverContinue reading ““Last Everything” – Nayana Nair”

“Away from the City of Saints” – Nayana Nair

so the saint i read about walked this land,looked at this river, looked at this sky,and stood where I stand. in the cases of glass there are letters,there are feelings i cannot understand.they say he made this place with lovehere his everything ends, where his nothing began. but the glass turned into mirrorshis writing becameContinue reading ““Away from the City of Saints” – Nayana Nair”

“Keeping alive the happy me” – Nayana Nair

My day to day wanderings take me to places and people (and websites) who have never known a happy me. I ask them “am i fine today?” and they answer “yes”. So I search the map for a river in a distant city to cry by. So that they continue answering ‘yes’. So I canContinue reading ““Keeping alive the happy me” – Nayana Nair”

“seine” – Nayana Nair

Sit here and cry your eyes out.I know you don’t want to look weak, that you don’t want my strength to be the only things that keeps you standing.But if only you would cry, if only you would let your weakness show, I could find in myself the courage to let you see my tearsContinue reading ““seine” – Nayana Nair”

“How people live” – Nayana Nair

I sat there crying. – It hurt to know, how people live, how they smile, how they could look at each other, how they felt welcome wherever they went, how they could sing along and not be reminded of all the sadness that song carried in itself. How my desolate riverside was their ‘beautiful view’,Continue reading ““How people live” – Nayana Nair”

“Trade Myself” – Nayana Nair

Will this river that runs between us loose its taste of mistrust, if I take up your blood and let go of mine? I wish I could do that. But a part of my mind, that is yet to be corrupted by love, rationalises and prefers my loveless and homeless state than to entrust myContinue reading ““Trade Myself” – Nayana Nair”

“Hiding” – Nayana Nair

The noise of the crumpled tissues walked upon fills me up again. Without the colors of reasons or pain that once made it unbearable, I envy that me who could be so passionately sad for the someone else or even for myself. Now the the rivers of concern run beneath the surface of my heartContinue reading ““Hiding” – Nayana Nair”