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“How many more lines” – Nayana Nair

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How many more lines should I write
for you to actually see
the happiness that creates ripples
under my skin at your smile.
The sadness that leaves marks
on my wrist,
on my neck,
at the end of everyday.
And the comfort of your presence
in whose warmth
my ever-flowing tears
find fingertips
that can hold and embrace them.
I carry a love in my heart
that can be accepted and
reciprocated by you,
but never understood.

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“Stop tugging at my clothes” – Nayana Nair

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Though I thought it would be difficult.
Each step I took with an ease
and with a courage
that I didn’t know
was there in me.
No sadness in the world
existed in my face or heart,
but only a child,
a smaller me, tugging at my clothes,
telling me to stop
trying hard to rescue me from my fate
from this realization
that this is what I have to do forever.
That one day the loneliness of my journey
will wear down my courage and me.

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“Bubble” – Nayana Nair

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There is so much
that the world doesn’t care for.
If we were to care for every thing that
has caused pain to every person,
we may never have been able to live happily
ever in our life.
And there would be a black fog
of borrowed sadness, that will be
the only thing we breathe.
We may cry a few tears of sympathy,
but after those few minutes
we live our life, as we have done till now.
It’s the only thing we can do.
Though it may seem selfish,
but I guess it is both tragic and good
that the cries and scream of this world
never break through
the bubble of our own happiness.
And our own sadness and joy
is bound by our own bubble.

“Anything I say” – Nayana Nair

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I like to start sentences
with ‘and’, ‘but’ and ‘so’.
To try to ignore
the long silences,
speechless voids,
that I was not able to fill.
So that I do not feel the burden
of breaking this fragile world of silence,
just to fill it with
hopeless words, full of despair.
I want to believe
that all the damage has already been done,
the world has been broken,
and will be broken again.
There is enough sadness
already in air.
That nothing I say
can make it worse.
And this assumption
is more sad,
than anything I say.

“I hope you believe” – Nayana Nair

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I hope you believe
when I say that
I am not good with words.
For I could fill pages
without giving it a second thought.
But I was never able to say
what needs to be said.
I could never tell anyone
what they mean to me.
I can never tell what I am thinking
without jumbling up my thoughts.
When you wanted to hear
simple words from me
I could never offer them.
I can give words to my sadness,
to my despair and my disappointments.
But I have no words in my mind
for any happiness.
Never had to use any.
Know that you make me happy.
That’s all I can say.
I hope you believe
when I say
I am not good with happiness.

“Part of me” – Nayana Nair

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A part of me is always detached from my life,

from this world.

It is aware of everything,

it knows, but is unaffected.

As if this pain, is not mine

but someone else’s.

Or worse, it acts as if there is no pain.

It knows that I am crying

but doesn’t understand why.

It looks at these concepts.

Concepts of happiness, sadness, jealousy,

struggle and whatnot.

But these are just ideas for it.

Ideas that do not matter.

It believes that the fire I play with

can burn me, but not ‘it’.

It’s reality is different than mine.

This part of me just observes this life

as it passes by

and refuses to participate.

The only thing it does understand is that

We are here.

And how wonderful it is

to witness the beauty, this life is.

It only understands the beauty of the ruin,

our life is headed to.

abandoned

“A stage for sadness”- Nayana Nair

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So….its been a while since I started visiting the site – sothere.com….quite frequently, I must say. Why? I don’t know for sure.

I came to know about the site through stumbleupon.com ……I did visit it 2-3 three times..when I found it…and even though of writing some letters of my own to send to them…but I didn’t…Why? Well, I’m not the sort of person who feels alright to put their feelings and experience into a paper and make a complete drama about it…with a little or a lot of exxageration….blaming everyone…regretting my choices…sorry..that’s not just me. Even if I write something like that I’d tear it up/ erase it the next second. Why? (I ask myself lots of question :)) Well..its a comforting thought to share your pain..or rather get the pain out of your heart onto a paper….rather that keeping everything to yourself….(I’ve heard so) But its only because I don’t trust people…Everything I say..can be used against me in future….I have to take caution at every step…partially due to my suspicious nature and partially due to my attitude…

There are people who are mean, sadistic,who’ll do anything to protect themselves even if it means to hurt others…..and they stop at nothing..the dark part of human nature is more darker than the darkest shade of black color I’ve got in my crayon set. (But at the same time brightness white can’t do justice to represent their goodness, kindness and benevolence. The angel and the devil are the same person)

I read somewhere:

“In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.”

But people do exactly opposite. They drag in every incident in past , just to prove their point. They’ll use everything, you tell them, against you. It happens . I don’t blame such people..they are humans after all…they’ll protect themselves from any danger…even if the danger is imaginary one. Even if the danger they perceived was from their most beloved person. The person they once held closest to their heart.

But my point was…I actually went back to visit this site on a regular basis..just because I wanted to get some ideas for the story I’m writing currently…..so…as soon as you visit sites like sothere.com ……you’ll see these letters….written by thousands of people..letter filled with sorrow…some with happiness..others with gratitude….But a majority of them are all about “how sad I’m”, “whose fault was that?”, “it could have ended better if you didn’t hurt me”,”we’re such good friends until you messed it all up”…and many other things.

Well I hate to say this..but…..its feels good to read them…I don’t support creating a drama out of your sorrow….everyone suffers once in a while..and I used to think there’s no need to make such a fuss about it…but….now I think its better to make a fuss..tell everyone you are so sad, you feel so lonely…you’ve lost someone, you have lost someone’s love and trust…and you do have the right to moan and cry…and somewhere around the world , someone will read you words and feel comforted..that I’m not the only one…and at that time you’ll feel a deep connection with that person, you’ll be sorry for them……..your own pain will look bearable knowing someone else also had to go through it..and still made it out of the “sorrow land”….you’ll feel sympathy for a person you may never meet, you’ve never seen, whom you’ve never talked with, someone whose name you’ll never now….but these things won’t matter…because you may never ever able to feel that kind of connection with your family, your childhood friends, the people you meet everyday…..

As I said…we all suffer…more or less…..that’s what’s supposed to happen, that’s normal, that’s the way this world is supposed to work…but it would be less painful if you stop this dissection of your past…to judge whose fault was it all…who should be blamed…who suffered more….STOP THAT….everyone suffers..but won’t it be constructive to try to make things right,  to let yourself rest for a while…give yourself the happiness you deserve..you get a minute to spare and you drown yourself into everything bad that’s happened to you…when you make a mistake only remember the lesson it taught you…its a waste to remember everything else….and to tag people as villain and hero….rather…get yourself an ice cream…go for a walk …and if you have lots of time to spare…write a letter to sothere.com…maybe I’ll come across it and feel that connection with you..you who is reading this right now…

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