“why am i hurt by your hopes?” – Nayana Nair

i thought…
i wanted…
i am always looking for…
i am nothing without…

must i fill these sentences?
is it compulsory
to tell you where it hurts and why?

the pencil bends and breaks
in my hand, but my voice won’t crack.
i think a bit of my cruelty shows
through everything that i do.

“have you ever wanted to be a person like me?”
when i ask you this, you avoid my eyes.
the often-spoken-and-never-meant words
surface on your lips,
“i love you for who you are, i want nothing more”
sadly followed by
“it is not too late to change”

“Anything I say” – Nayana Nair

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I like to start sentences
with ‘and’, ‘but’ and ‘so’.
To try to ignore
the long silences,
speechless voids,
that I was not able to fill.
So that I do not feel the burden
of breaking this fragile world of silence,
just to fill it with
hopeless words, full of despair.
I want to believe
that all the damage has already been done,
the world has been broken,
and will be broken again.
There is enough sadness
already in air.
That nothing I say
can make it worse.
And this assumption
is more sad,
than anything I say.