I go through my playlist,
looking for all the songs
that like-crazed people
have written for me and
for lonely nights as these.
This voice of stranger that sings my pain
takes me back to this same bed
and same sorrow
somewhere in the past that I want to loose.
Someone sits beside me yet again.
And this weight
is as frightening
To know that the spirits of the nights
that I have killed
are again here,
to take away a friend of theirs.
On nights like these,
I prefer the company
of sad cries that people call songs,
of walking memories that people call ghost.
There are ruins of hearts hiding
in the secluded places
that refuse to vanish into
this decaying world.
Stagnancy is not an accurate word
the beauty of these corners,
where the caresses of sunlight
and wind are trapped forever.
There are places
that hold the touch of the ones
the world has lost.
Though I am yet
to fully realize
the depth and sorrow of
But here it doesn’t matter.
Here the summer and the winter are same.
Here the cry trapped in my veins
can sings along with voices from far way time.
Here my silence
can be music.
Here I can sit and hope
for our love to last forevers.
And know that there are certain love
that can never cease to exist,
but only forgotten.
I sing them a song
in the voice that may soothe their hearts
but fills me with feelings
which are very similar to words
like choke, suffocation and breathlessness.
Though you might not think twice about it,
I know what I have done.
I have walked into the prison that my life was.
But I love myself for taking that step
into the memory of darkness
that cannot actually hurt me.
It is just remains of the hurt that was.
But here I also find remains of ‘me’ that was.
And I am happy, for I know
rarely do people get chance
to become what they were, even for a minute.
My pain sits on my shoulder, clings to my neck
and sings stories of years that defined me.
How it had no one else but me.
It was so fierce, yet so fragile.
I felt the urge to protect it.
From anything. From everything.
I wanted to protect it from every cure.
I wanted it to be with me. To be a part of me.
I felt I would be a little less me
if it left my body.
I didn’t mind this pain decaying my body.
I didn’t mind it’s echoing cries and lament.
I just wanted it to be there always.
But when pain decided to leave me,
I felt that life has left my body.
I cried realizing that it was never a part of me.
I don’t think I cried cause I missed pain.
I cried for there is nothing in my life I can be sure of.
Not even pain.