told me about rain
that might turn to snow
which might turn to pain in my knees,
it might turn into wishing for summer
(summer is always you lying on couch tired
cursing gods for seasons you hate),
it might move my hands towards the pills
that rarely save anyone needing saving
(i really don’t trust pills
if you are not the one handing them to me).
today’s forecast tells me i should stay in,
stay away from stepping out of myself,
that in my world only minefields of you are remaining.
Tag Archives: snow
i looked best dressed in incoherent words.
everyone assumed that i am drunk on something.
everyone assumed me to be an artist for that.
any word that left my mouth
was just another way to pronounce self-doubt.
the only way to stay and run away at the same time.
the way i speak,
“you are beautiful” and “i hate you”
sounds the same.
the way i speak
“i want to die” sounds same as “i love you”.
my name sounds same as any other name.
what is the use of having this name
that no one calls.
so i sign the heart of my temporary admirer
with “tear”, “snow”, “goodbye”, “sleep”….
sad beautiful words
that cause less hurt than my name.
Now that I am made of evening skies,
if I move into that night,
I can’t ever return.
The one who tastes the morning sun,
the one who kisses your lips,
the one who somehow lives on
won’t be me.
So let me remain this beautiful.
Let us stop here.
The snow would be here soon
and time would bring us
small doses of the soothing forgetfulness.
See how you start to love me again
when your heaven and your heart
give up on all their rules.
The gentle snow,
my longing eyes,
your beautiful smile-
all against the landscape lost in eternal white.
All these are no longer my precious memory of my everlasting love.
I do not remember when you became this person
who capable to such harm and such deceit.
It is a shame that the you from long ago
is only alive in my heart.
And though I do not want to do this
but I can’t keep you in my heart any longer.
I want to forget you
the way you have forgotten me.
I want to let go of this memory of perfect love
that no longer exists.
I can’t keep dragging you to where you do not belong.
I can’t bear to look at you expecting every minute
for a change in your heart.
I can’t depend on you to become what you once were
and I am letting go of you
not with disappointment
I have seen too much of what you are capable of
that I can no longer be the girl
with innocent eyes and longing heart
even if you return to what you were.
So I finally quit being your dream
as you have stopped being mine.
But I know
our silhouettes still walk in the white eternity together
even if we resent them for that,
even if we forget them.
Wave after wave of blue marble
swept me up to a newer height.
I saw a sunset over avalanches
frozen and melting.
I saw the planes of memory
flying in a windless sky.
I walked through the garden
of trees laden with fruits of snow.
I came to love the momentary world
of the songs
that you often hum.
The days that starts with
a painful realization of the world.
The nights that stops with
this awareness put to sleep.
whom I can’t shake off from my thoughts.
All such things that happen just because they do
and not because I am any better or any worse
than anyone else.
All such things that I must accept
with gratitude and courage.
All such things and more
that falls on us
sometimes like snow,
sometimes life flowers,
sometimes like rain
and sometimes like love.
What is the last book you marked as read?
I won’t say this is the best book I have read by Orhan Pamuk (for I have read only two of his books, can’t make such judgement), but I liked his novel “The Black Book” more. It is a good story nevertheless and had very touching part. I did like this book, because there was this air of mystery of not how-it-ends, but rather how-it-can-reach-this end.
What are you currently reading?
This is a collection of short stories in Hindi by Premchand. I don’t read Hindi much. Not cause I don’t like it, in fact I love this language. But I am not so good at it. Last time I read Hindi story would be when I was in school and that would be in 2009 (I didn’t like subject Hindi cause I was very very bad at it, has been reason for my headaches in school years). So, it’s quite nostalgic to read Hindi stories and I love it. Thinking of buying more Hindi novels in future. Right now , in this book, I am reading a short story named “Damul ka Qaidi”. Now, I don’t know what “Damul” is (so you can guess how bad my hindi is) but “qaidi” means prisoner. I tried to google what “damul” means , but till now only answer I could find is “Bonded until death”. I am not sure of its meaning. But I can understand the story somehow. I love reading Premchand’s stories, simple and meaningful.
I am sharing a link to english tranlastion of one of his short story “Bade Bhai Sahib”(My Elder Brother), which I read when I was in 10th (or 9th) class in school and was my favourite story of subject that I dreaded.
What was the last book you marked as to read?
I always wanted to read this book by Toni Morrison, but haven’t till date. I am never able to find it.(I have found other books by her, but for some reason I want to start reading her novels from “Beloved” ) I know I can order it online. But I don’t like buying books online. I prefer to go to bookstore and spend hours there.
Do you use the star rating system?
Yup, I do give star ratings to the books I have read. But I don’t give reviews (most of the time). I am too lazy maybe.
What book do you plan on reading next?
I have read “The Namesake” by Jhumpa Lahiri previously. And I loved that book. So bought this book. I have very high expectations from it. Let’s see how that turns out.
Are you doing the 2016 reading challenge?
Yes, I am. I had actually forgotten about that till I read this question. I had aimed for 45 books and I have read 17 till now. But that’s just theory. In reality, I may have read more than that. But I forget to update my progress on Goodreads. By the time I remember I have to update it, I would have read 6-7 books and would be confused whether I have already updated that or not. In short, it’s a very confusing process for me to update my book progress and I am too lazy to sort that out.
What book do you plan on buying next?
Had read “Lovely Bones” by Alice Sebold and loved it. So, I hope I can find it in the bookstore when I go book-shopping next time.
Do you have a wish list?
I don’t have a wish list. I find random books by random author ( at used-book sale). If I love it. I will hoard all the books by the same author. So my wishlist generally comprises reading (and buying) all books by my favorite author.
What is your favorite quote?
There are so so many quote that I love (but can’t recall).
I will just quote some lines from the novel “Snow” that I finished reading last night.
“Happiness is holding someone in your arms and knowing you hold the whole world.”
“Suddenly Ka realized he was in love with İpek. And realizing that this love would determine the rest of his life, he was filled with dread.”
Who are your favorite authors?
Leo Tolstoy, Dorothy Koomson, Jodi Picoult, Orhan Pamuk(recent fav), Tami Hoag.
Have you joined any groups?
No. Though I would love to. But i is fairly impossible for me to read the book that everyone reading at current time. Can’t do that. I am too moody and the books I read depends on what I can find in a given bookstore. But, since my sweet sister also read novels, we have hours (or even days) long discussion on a book. I love that.
I am tagging all my readers for “The Goodreads Book Tag”. If you do decide to take it up, please leave the link in comments, would love to read your answers.