are my loneliest dream.
but you are a dream nonetheless.
i am bound to find my skin stuck to yours.
i am bound to run through darkness
sometimes because you, sometimes for you.
and when the clouds part,
it is fated
that i fall for your smile lit by a certain sorrow.
even as you burn me,
even if you try to find someone else in me,
someone that I is dying in me,
i cannot help but call what i feel for you as love.
here, i can call it love.
i can bear to be so close to you.
Tag Archives: sorrow
I walk past houses
that are too silent to be there.
Another drop of tear
lands on my hand.
I dare not stop and look.
I fear I might end up finding
my own home that I had left.
In my eyes I might end up holding
the face of the one
whose sorrow I can’t still bear.
I once lied,
“I will love you forever”.
I fear I might now find the love
that I didn’t have then.
I fear I will ask you
for everything that I do not deserve.
So I lie once again,
this time for your sake-
“though my heart is cold,
love is not the fire I need”.
all the folded boats
spill out of my empty books.
the trees are on fire again.
my mind is on a another wild chase.
my hands light some more branches.
“the world is too cold for me”,
is all that i can say.
today, i am less sad than yesterday,
which makes everything that much more difficult.
today my sorrows have become facts.
my childhood reduced to folded boats in a trash can.
is there any other way to live than this?
I took my rusted pen, my useless words
and tried to write something beautiful for you.
Words filled with my love,
words that tasted
like all your favorite forgotten dreams.
But I found myself tracing
the only words on your skin.
I ended up rewriting your sorrow.
I ended becoming the face of your fears.
as i walk among all that should be ruins, i feel humbled. i feel stupid to think that these small sorrows of mine are something that could end this world.
i find another overused word on my lips again – promises. they remind me of promises. they remind of having something more important than ones own life. what does it even feel like to have something like that? do i even want to know?
i wonder who dreamed of a place like this, where all the birds seem to be running away from same things as me.
here, maybe here, i could forget all that i shouldn’t forget. here, maybe here is where my endless toil, my yearning meant to take me. this is good place to end, to kill my love for this world, to kill the hate i have for myself.
As I walked around the city all night,
as I put my tears on display on empty roads,
I realized nothing has changed.
I knew that I am okay if the world sees me like this.
Even if the streets gets lighted
I can continue to cry, I can be pathetic.
I was fine being pitiful in every eye but yours.
I feared how you might not like all this.
And that’s why I had to show you
what I looked like
when you are not there.
I knew I had to find your door
and wake you up from this dream
that could surely not be love.
But as you finally opened up the door
I found myself smiling again.
whether I am trying to hide myself again
or you are all I need to forget my sorrow.
I am floating towards you
against my own will.
I struggle and loose
against my fate,
against what my heart loves.
I am floating in your eyes
in spite of all my flaws.
I am happy
that you love me.
I am floating again,
floating away from you
and my heart has forgotten
the love I had for you.
But I fear
somewhere in me your are still there,
hiding at places where I won’t look.
So I keep looking you,
so that I can be free from you.
I keep looking you,
even when I don’t want you.
In my sleep,
I open a door to another dream
where I drift in the endless ocean
wearing the clothes I once wore on a school trip,
on a boat that capsized on a show that I saw long ago.
As I lay blinded by sun, by hunger, by life
I uttered your name again and again,
as if you are somewhere near,
as if you would answer.
Your name was the only happiness in that world.
Your name was my only sorrow.