I remember the day that I found you
with eyes filled with yearning,
heart filled with doubt
and hands soiled with blood
of the your dreams
that you murdered everynight.
I found you in the land
where we had been banished to,
from a world of happiness
where our loved ones reside.
I remember the day I lost you
to the light
that seemed more cruel than warm.
When you found your happiness and purpose.
When you couldn’t stop humming all day.
when you talked of future with smile.
When you found out what you wanted
and what you wanted was not me.
Makes wonder if I ever really loved you
if I resent you
for having what I want.
I was on my way to a place
that only exists in my mind.
And with each footprint I left behind
it became more real.
And though I know I hated each second
of wandering without a map.
But I know I loved it too.
But sitting by this river.
Listening to water
eroding the underlying stones
one particle at time.
I think of how wonderful it would be
if I could just stop
and live here.
I spend days by the river.
I don’t know
how many more I will spend.
And slowly I feel that
there is more to life than wandering.
But I also know
that one day I will regret staying.
Not knowing where I could have been
if I had only crossed that river.
Shall I stay or keep moving?
I don’t know.
I don’t want to decide now.
Let me stay a few more days in the peace that I never found.
In the peace that I always wanted.